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Assessing "It takes a village to raise a child"

Years ago, when Hillary Clinton released "It Takes a Village," I was decidedly skeptical. Almost a decade later, when I began teaching at-risk middle school students, I was even more skeptical. Today, the African proverb resonates with me only because I see it from a different perspective: as a father.

During the 1996 Republican convention, Bob Dole offered a perfect phrasing of my thoughts (then, at least) on the proverb when he said, "It does not take a village to raise a child. It takes a family to raise a child." Three years ago, I was unwavering in my belief that this was the only true statement of the two - a belief that was further bolstered by the kids I taught every day and the disconnected parents, one of whom told me, "He's mine from Friday night to Monday morning. After that, he's yours."

Without a doubt, no village can take the place of even a single loving and committed parent. But when I became a father two years ago, I began to see some merit in the idea.

We live in a world in which negative role models and influences seem to be pouring in, just as the once-full pool of trustworthy, educated, well-mannered and honest people of integrity seems to be dwindling. In this new world, it will be more and more important to surround our children with solid role models who provide both unconditional love and unwavering character - a "village" of people who love them and show them the right way through example.

There are few moments when I'm home that my little boy is not firmly planted in my lap reading, standing across from me as we throw a little Nerf football, or simply sitting next to me and talking about his "big day," which is every day to a two year old. While I'm at work, his mommy is doing the same - taking him out to see parks, the water, the woods.

But we also are fortunate enough to have two sets of grandparents who provide limitless adoration and self-esteem boosting, good friends who show him that Mommy and Daddy aren't the only trustworthy adults out there, and neighbors who provide a better network of safety around our home in an increasingly kid-unfriendly world.

In a few years, we'll depend on a good teacher to help reinforce how to act in formal situations, how to sit still for extended periods, and how to keep your cool even when the folks won't be back for several hours.

My wife is a member of a "mom's club," which gives both him and her an opportunity to visit zoos, aquariums, parks, and other experiences that will expand the scope of his experience and, in so doing, push the boundaries of his world.

Every day, I talk to more than a handful of 13-year-old kids who have never been out of our suburban city. In the worst cases, the school - less than five miles from their homes - is as far as they have been from their bedrooms. Television and the Internet are the only real parents some of them have, and the influence has not been positive. For those kids, there is not only no village, but no real family.

So, there is merit in the idea that it takes a wide net of people to raise a child who has been raised with values without being sheltered from the real world. If you are a parent, seek out positive adult interactions for your child to show them that police and teachers are not the only people who live good lives.

If you're not a parent but have regular contact with children, try to be a part of their network. In many cases, especially those of teachers, you may very well be the best adult that they know. Live up to it.

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