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Respond, don't react should be the first rule of communication. A baby reacts to hunger by crying, a quick outburst requiring immediate attention. Children react unconditionally, until influenced by their environment. Adolescents react for show, sometimes just to see what response their speech or actions will garner. As adults, it is assumed that we will have the intelligence to step back, assess the situation, then, and only then, respond accordingly. It seems our society has given permission for anyone to react immediately to any situation by speaking or dashing off a Letter to the Editor, blaming adverse consequences on the rage of the moment. Say whatever you wish, the First Amendment will protect. It's like Flip Wilson tossing his fingers in the air while stating "the devil made me do it! used to be funny when Geraldine said it.

We think we don't have time to think, reacting without taking time to assess. In our hectic daily lives, it seems we follow impulse rather than stopping to consider the consequences, assuming Tempus Fugit. An assertion has barely escaped our lips when we want to rephrase or reclaim, but right or wrong, what has been said has been heard or read, despite all attempts at clarification or apology. Inflection exacerbates, and tone comes along right behind to intensify our conduct. Conduct is the control of our reactions to other human beings. Are we in control of ourselves? If we saw our children imitating our actions, would we be pleased?
In the Middle-East, those involved are attempting to promote meaningful dialogue, a conversation, private or public. Every day we see the result of hurried reaction on the news, splayed bodies, remnants of anger and pain.

Another place we see immediate reaction is e-mail. Yes, e-mail communication is geared toward instantaneous response to a query, but does it have to be misspelled or a series of short quirks to be translated as if it were a foreign language? Each generation has its idiosyncrasies, hairstyles, mini-skirts, and snacks, however we seem to have become a country of letters, numbers, and symbols: MYOB, IU, HRU? We need not return totally to the quill pen, handwritten correspondence of times past, but a little forethought would not hurt.
Conversation and the written word allow the option of participation. Contemplation, though subject to interpretation, need not be retracted. And, of course, there is always the third option. You can choose to be silent, to not to respond at all until the other party runs out of words, or actions, or rage. By that time, hopefully, you will have formulated an appropriate response, one that you are reconciled to, one spoken or written in calm. Realistic? Only if you take time to think about it.

Learn more about this author, Barbara M Traynor.
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