Flaky or genuine? I have a mixture of both. Age, community, religion and common interests all determine who we will invite into our personal inner friendship circle. I have friends that know all of my secrets and I have friends that only know my favorite restaurant and bra size! They all have a purpose to serve and it highlights the question to myself, am I a real friend or the sham?

Lets explore this theory in more depth as I believe its the only way to establish what the difference is. I have male and female friendships, some are relatively new and others have developed since childhood. I don't always remember all their birthdays, yet I cook a mean chilli and provide wine in times of trauma. I expect to take as much out of my friendships that I give, sometimes more! Does that mean to half of my friends I am the flaky one? If I have an issue at work then I will let off steam to a colleague who has become a friend, yet I would not approach this person if I was having a drama within my relationship. So are they a genuine friend or just a work acquaintance? Tricky.

I have narrowed it down to morals. If a friend reacts in a way that we see as morally incorrect then they slide into the flaky, sham category. I have also linked it to trust. When sharing inner thoughts, feelings, ideas and dreams we expect these to be respected and on no account stolen from us and passed around like a plate of biscuits. Loyalty is key in all friendships, a true friend will defend you, listen and encourage. A sham friendship will put you down, deliberately lie to you and laugh at any cruel mishap.

A real friend will want to see you succeed and a sham friend will gloat when you fail. Friendships are charged with emotions, some good, some bad and others plain ugly. Please don't misunderstand me, we have to have trials and tribulations resulting in some serious stand up rows to allow a real relationship to grow. A sham friend however will hold a grudge for longer than is necessary, however much you apologize.

I am a believer that certain friends are with us during certain times of life for specific reasons. When we relocate we maintain a handful of our old friends and forge new friendships, the same as starting a new job, or traveling to a different country. Luckily the more confident we become in our own skin the easier it is to let the sham friendships fizzle out naturally.

Remember a true friend will laugh with you, not always at you and they are able to make you smile for no reason and cry over the silliest things. A sham friend will create too many frown lines and leave a bad taste in your mouth after spending time in their company.

Which one are you going to be this year?

Learn more about this author, Rachel Skinner.
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