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Being a Grandparent has it's own challenges, and dealing with temper tantrums is one of them. You're not the parent, so shouldn't take over, but you are a person with feelings.

If a parent is present, then it's best to let them handle it. In most case there isn't a lot you can do, as once a child is in 'tantrum' mode, it's already too late and you may just have to ride it out. Quite often tantrums are a 'test' that start in the toddler years. I've observed young children (my own and my grandchildren) and tantrums are often a result of being over tired or not being understood. If you're in a public place suggest going outside. I've had more than one dinner in an expensive restaurant ruined by parents who feel they have to inflict their 'tough love' on everyone in the building. This is not fair to the people around you or the child.

If the tantrum happens when you are alone with the child, try to remain calm. I'm fairly certain no child has passed away from a tantrum. Sometimes a child wants what he wants and no amount of explaining or bait-and-switch will suffice. There may be a lot of screaming, and a lot of snot (sorry, but it's true). Do not allow a child to kick, hit, bite or scratch you. This may sound alarming, but it happens. I worked for a child psychiatrist (an adult psychiatrist who helped children, that title always sounds wrong). It was rare that a child had a tantrum in the office, but when they did, she would wrap her arms around them, preferably with their back to her and continue talking in a soothing voice. Once the child learned that the tantrum would get them nowhere, they usually stopped trying. Show them, once they've calmed down, that words work better. This takes time, but it does work.

The best way to deal with a tantrum is to head it off before it starts. One way is to let kids know what's happening next. I can't count the number of times I've seen a child having fun in a sandbox or a pool, only to be airlifted out by a parent or grandparent who decides playtime is over. How would you react? Give the child a few minutes warning, "We have to go home in a few minutes." is often all it takes.

Be mindful of how long you've been 'having fun' at the park and how hungry a child might be. Being over tired and hungry is asking for disaster at any age. I've seen grownups have their own sort of tantrums under these conditions. Playing and excitement is fun, but in small doses with young children. Ease out of this by reading a story, or singing a song together. Ask the wee one what they'd like for lunch, but make several choices or you'll have to explain why you won't make them a triple banana split and fries.

Bed times can be tricky. My daughter has four children and when they were small, they wanted to be downstairs with Grandma (and the TV). So, after the last drink of water and the third bedtime story (I cheated and read the stories to the group), I'd go downstairs and turn off the TV and most of the lights and read. I sat near the stairs where they could still see me and know they weren't alone, but that I was unavailable" as was the television and after a while I didn't hear the pitter-patter of little feet on the stairs so often. Bed time, if not handled carefully, is a prime time for a tantrum, so take it slow and remain calm, and chances are you'll be fine and so will the kids.

Learn more about this author, Pat Merewether.
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