by Yvette Durham

Created on: January 17, 2008

These days, the vast majority of couples live together before marriage. And with good reason. At least from personal experience I know the old saying, 'you don't really know someone until you live with them,' is indeed true.

Speaking from my perspective, I have lived with three men in the past (my husband excepted). All of them I deemed successful relationships and two of them were serious with an eventual view to marriage. But within 6 months of living together, they had all turned sour and rental contracts were not extended. I or they moved out and on, the relationship irrevocably at an end.

It is irrelevant whether it were them or me who was impossible to live with (although I'd naturally argue it was them- I had a way of picking a bad egg)! What is relevant is why it went wrong once we started living together, for we'd had happy, long-term relationships before moving in together. Setting up home together is a big commitment, often as a pre-text to further commitment such as marriage or children. Therefore after taking this big step, the psychological implications on the couple can change. In short, they get comfortable. Perhaps he stops presenting her with a surprise bunch of flowers ever so often, ceases to take her to their favorite Italian restaurant, makes no effort to tell her how beautiful she looks any more. Maybe he doesn't think she is that beautiful anymore, maybe she doesn't make such an effort now that they live together- I mean, she can't always wonder around their apartment with a full-face on and those sexy, but oh-too-tight skinny jeans. And then of course all the annoying little habits start to come into play that they didn't know their partner even had before moving in together. The persistence of these irritating habits can escalate into overall resentment between the couple. On getting up for work, he insists on waking the whole apartment block up with his stomping around at 5am, singing in the shower and slamming kitchen cupboards closed whilst preparing breakfast. He leaves his clothes all over the floor for her to pick up, doesn't lift a finger when it comes to chores and she feels completely taken for granted. She, on the other hand, has changed almost beyond recognition! Gone is the carefree, free-spirited, excitable girl who was more like a best friend than a girlfriend. A nagging mother is closer to the mark.

Its real life now, not the glamorous charade that some couples indulge in before commitment. And many couples don't get

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