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It's a good idea to have a durable power attorney for health care. For unmarried and same-sex couples they're vital as it's often the only way for the spouse to have any say in the care their loved ones receive. People who need to rely on their children or other relatives to make decisions would do better to name a POA as well.

That said, it's only a good idea if you make your wishes crystal clear and if you've chosen someone you can trust. Even with a POA, it's still best to put your wishes in writing to stave off any possible problems for the person who will be responsible for your medical decisions and to guarantee they really will be doing what you want.

It's a good idea to have a medical POA if you don't have any of the more traditional options. It's also a good idea to take it seriously, after all it's your life and well-being you're safeguarding.

Rule one:
Make sure it is well known among any relevant people in your life that there is a POA and whose name is on it. Keeping it a secret can and will become your worst nightmare if your POA has to deal with angry/upset relatives before they can deal with your needs.

Rule two:
Make sure the person who will be making medical decisions has full disclosure on any medical conditions especially medications and treatments you are currently taking. Simple but embarrassing conditions or the side effects of certain medications (or medication overuse) can be mistaken for symptoms of other very serious conditions. Your POA could waste valuable time authorizing doctors to investigate non-threatening conditions instead of treating the real problem.

Rule three:
Decide in advance whether this person will also be your POA for other matters. If your medical condition requires money up front, someone has to write the checks and without a broader scope of powers a medical POA can end up being less than useless.

Rule four:
Be realistic about whether the person you are trusting with your life is worthy of that trust. Once those papers are signed, they can act in any way they believe is in your best interest. Another person's idea of what's best for you and your specific wishes are rarely the same thing.

Rule five:
Be absolutely sure that your wishes for long term care will be respected. Get it in writing if you have to. The POA will be responsible for deciding what happens while you recover. For as long as you are incapacitated this person's decisions will have more weight with the doctors than anything you say. Just as their authority over your immediate medical needs is total, so it remains until you are back to an acceptable level of health.

Rule six:
Get it done before you get sick. Setting up a POA while incapacitated can open the door to liability for you, your POA and the doctor. A legal battle or the threat is the last thing anyone needs while trying to deal with a seriously ill relative.

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