by Laurie Feldman

Created on: January 16, 2008

You told you daughter to clean her room and she didn't. You asked your Mom to mind her own business but she wouldn't. Your husband came home late again without calling you to tell you not to wait for him to have dinner. For whatever reason, you have just had an argument. Your blood is boiling; your mumbling to yourself, "if I could just get through to..."; your pulse is racing; and your voice is hoarse. Before you have a stroke, take a time out and calm yourself down.

Before you do anything else, put as much distance between you and the person that you were arguing with as possible. If all you can do is move into another room, then do it; if you can get out and away from the person, then get going-the sooner, the better. Just don't get behind the wheel of car before you have taken some deeps and are calm enough to pay attention to the road. Driving off in a frenzy won't help anyone.

Once you've gotten some distance, try some of the following suggestions to help you regain your composure and calm down.

1. TALK IT OVER

Find a friend to talk to about your argument. Talking to someone who is supportive of you will really help. This person does not have to wholeheartedly agree with you, he or she just needs to be understanding. A good friend can help you see the other person's perspective, while also letting you know that she understands why you are upset.

2. TAKE A TIME OUT.

Go for coffee and sit in a big easy chair and just be. If the weather is nice, take a walk in the park. Stroll through the mall aimlessly until you find your focus turning from the details of the argument to the design of a new top.

3. SCREAM

Sit in your parked car with the windows rolled up and scream at the top of your lungs. You can also do this in any secluded place. Yell out your frustration until you feel calm and ready to relax. Punch a pillow, kick your feet, or lie down on the floor, like you did when you were a kid, and thrash about your body. Not only will this feel good, before you know it you will be laughing at yourself.

4.LISTEN TO MUSIC

*Play your favorite tunes and sing and or dance along with the music.

5. LAUGHTER- THE BEST MEDICINE

*Find something to laugh at and let loose.

6. WATCH A MOVIE

Any type that you like will do. Loose yourself in fantasy, just for a little while, and when you return to reality things might not seem so bad.

7. WRITE IT OUT

*Write a letter to the person with whom you argued. Don't censor yourself. Include every emotion, every thought. Not only will this help you to calm down, it will also help you clarify exactly what has you so angry. When you are done, you can either tear the letter up, give it to the other person, or save it for yourself. What you do with it isn't as important to your sense of calm as the act of writing it is.

8. BREATHE

* Meditate. Ask God for help. Access whoever or whatever your higher power is.
Sometimes the act of simply repeating a mantra like "I am calm" over and over will do wonders for your sense of serenity.

9. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

* So your kid doesn't keep her room clean, but she is straight A student. Things could be worse. Your mom does bud into your business, but then again, she also babysits for free. Your husband can be inconsiderate, but honestly who can't? Look for the best in people, and try to communicate your wants and needs in a positive way without sparking an argument.

Once you have calmed down, don't forget to make up with the person with whom you have argued. There are many ways to make up which can help you to calm down even more. Put things into perspective and remember, life is too short to stay angry.

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