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half-heartedly, failing to schedule another session.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I could already be some high-powered, mountain moving, world changing force had I just been willing to waste 10 minutes a day in pep-talks.

Or maybe I saved the world from yet another self-centered, high self-esteem narcissist.

I had left home to the sound of Barney the Dinosaur singing, "Oh you are special, special, everyone is special.." ad nauseum from the t.v., having not taken a second to lean down after the littlest one had lost interest in the day's programming in order to pick up my oldest from school. Seeing the familiar blue 4Runner, he ran up excitedly holding an envelop and said, "Mom! Guess what? I got Student of the Month!"

"Way cool", I replied, leaning in to give him our customary pick-up kiss while he settled into the seat and secured his six year-old self to the passenger's seat. As we pulled away I asked him, "Student of the Month, eh? Wow. How did you earn that?"

"Mrs. D said that it was because I'm nice to my friends."

I frowned a bit. "For being nice?" was my somewhat puzzled response. "You're being awarded for doing something that you are expected to do?"

"Uh-huh..."

I ended with, "Well, I'm proud of you and happy that you got the award" but Between Barney and honors bestowed for merely behaving as a human is expected to behave, I could see why the world around was quickly filling up with all of these narcissistic, demanding people: The whole "Self-Esteem Movement" worked just a hair too well.

Anything with an end goal of increasing goodwill is difficult to attack. The idea that people will behave better and be less self-destructive if they view themselves in a positive manner (i.e. have high self-esteem) was a pretty good one. Makes perfect sense.

Like a lot of well-meaning lines of thought, though, it got distorted over time and over-simplified. Instead of finding meaningful ways in which to guide people into increasing how they viewed themselves, people clung to the notion that, by surrounding everyone with empty mantras and we honored kids with Student of the Month type awards that we'd build a better world through more secure people. I can't bash the idea too hard, even though I'm disdainful of the manner used, because it was pretty noble all-in-all.

It failed because it created a couple of generations whose individual internalized the message at face-value and people hard-wired their brains with the thought of, "I'm special? Well, great, then. My needs must attended to immediately." Narcissism became a good thing. It meant the individual had High Self-Esteem, which of course everyone should believe.

It also failed because people don't need empty mantras and to be encouraged to develop into shallow, center-of-the-universe narcissists. Real self-esteem isn't narcissism; tt's having confidence because you've achieved things in the past that have made you aware that you can achieve what you want in the future.

Rather than telling everyone how special they are or how they have 'value' simply by being human, the original message should have been, "Every person has the POTENTIAL to be special. To reach this potential, you need to be a person OF value." It's a great message because it's the absolute, honest-to-goodness truth.

What's more, rather than creating empty, shallow, self-valuing narcissists who then fill the emptiness with rude, demanding behaviors, we could create a society filled with individuals who know that, if they're feeling insecure, all they need to do is seek out a way to add good things to the world and they'll feel better.

Learn more about this author, Maria Bray.
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