Apologizing perfectly is fairly easy in theory. In early childhood we mastered it but somewhere along the we way lost it. It isn't too late to learn again. If you've done wrong and you care, it is time to make the myth a reality.

In order to make the cut your apology must meet several criteria:

MEAN IT

Don't just mumble you're sorry to get it over with. Every time you make an insincere apology an angel loses its wings. Well, not really. It's more like every time you make an insincere apology you had better ask yourself "Why do I bother?"

If you're in a relationship with someone and you don't feel the need to apologize to, then don't do it. Your relationship might not last but I think that's probably for the best. Faking an apology to someone means one of two things. You've either lost interest in them or they're being irrational. Regardless of how right or wrong either one of you is, once you lose the will to apologize you've got deeper issues than the myth can handle.

However if you are truly sorry then let that apology fly. You obviously care about whomever you've hurt. Hopefully you haven't done anything too awful. Even a mythical apology can only go so far.

EXPLAIN YOURSELF HONESTLY

Just saying that you're sorry isn't enough. Anyone can utter a few words. You've got to go the extra mile and clear up the confusion. Why you did what you did is a good indicator of who you are as a person. It will let your recipient know that you aren't as evil or mean spirited as you might seem.

Don't take this time to show them how it is really their fault you did wrong. Be honest with yourself too. It is always easier to spot what someone else did wrong. Finding the exact motives for your behavior can be tricky, but you can handle it.

DON'T BE DEFENSIVE

Being defensive is an aggressive move. You are the one begging forgiveness. If you've come this far you've already decided that the relationship is worth saving. Going into porcupine mode will only spoil all the sincerity and honest revelations you've put forth.

DON'T EXPECT AN APOLOGY IN RETURN

This is important. You may say to yourself that you're owed one but there is no way to ensure that you'll receive one. Just absorb the reaction you've gotten. If it doesn't look like you'll be exchanging another sorry then you've learned something valuable about the person you're with.

Don't give up on them. Sometimes apologies take a while to formulate. By taking the first step you've given yourself an apologetic advantage. Give them time to catch up with you but meanwhile, bury the issue.

Learn more about this author, E. Rae Fallesen.
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