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Lots of people feel a sense of pressure to be agreeable and pleasant. Perhaps it's a hold over form advice we got from parents like "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all". Another favorite is "no one likes a sour puss".

As children many of us were told to be compliant, friendly, nice. Often we simply didn't get a choice in things. We had to be nice in school, in church and for the most part at home, even when we didn't feel like it. The list of things we had to do because it was socially acceptable and correct behavior is a very long one.

We got it etched into our brains that to get along meant to go along, even when it made us uncomfortable. It was something that just become part of our character - being nice equally being compliant. Being nice also equaled to being liked or having approval, especially from those in positions of authority.

Unfortunately this kind of behavior, while being socially acceptable also takes it's toll on ones self esteem. The relentless need to please makes it harder for them to stand up for their own interests and say no when it's required or desired. This is why some people will buy a set of expensive gourmet knives they don't want or need because they are afraid to offend the nice sales person. They buy their way out of saying no and avoid the discomfort of having not to be happy cooperative and accommodating.

Lot us have been so conditioned to be polite that we become targets for those who are somewhat more assertive. This of course is something that those who are more assertive or self assured understand and use to their advantage.

The more dominate among us found that they could get what they want by being pushy to those who are plugged in to the nice mind set. Pushy sales people, nasty bosses, aggressive suitors, all use some kind of emotional pressure which those who are programed to be nice have trouble fending off, even when the pressure is subtle.

To some saying no can feel like it's simply wrong. Their need to be accepted is so great, their nice polite mindset so fixed in place that they will go out of their way to avoid it. As a result they get pushed around and manipulated by others all the time. They become social door mats, walking kick me signs or simply marks for the next con artist to appear.

The need to please can be so hard to over come that it leads to serious psychological problems. Parents feeling overwhelmed by demanding children, guilt and self loathing about simply not being good enough as people.

Saying no is a personal right and it's something which everyone needs to be able to do. In the end all of society will benefit.

Learn more about this author, Marvin Double.
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