2 of 30

Write now Article Tools

Divorce can be a very painful time. Whether you decided to end the marriage or your spouse did, it still is a very painful experience. The situation of the divorce is what it is, but how do you deal with the pain? Know that you won't be able to just get rid of it, you have to deal wit hit. Okay, so how do you deal with the pain in a healthy way?

1. Don't rush your recuperation. It's okay and normal to hurt. Let it happen and don't ignore it. Emotions are not a sign of weakness, only a sign that you're human. Over time, you will learn to accept the course of events and you will learn from them and will heal.

2. Get reacquainted with your friends. Do more activities with them to help fill that void and to help stay busy.

3. Focus on yourself. What did you use to enjoy doing before the marriage that kind of got "lost" in the marriage and you haven't done in a long time? Is it an activity like painting or watching a certain television program. Maybe your spouse hated it when your settled down with a good book in the evening. Do it! This will give you a feeling of rebirth and I promise you it will be good for your soul!

4. Find an activity outside of the house that involves being social. Join a group at your church or take a class or join an exercise group. Get out and meet people. This will keep you busy and you'll be focusing on more positive things.

5. Empower yourself. Make this transition period about you and don't try to do what anyone else wants. This is a time in your life that you don't have to compromise with another person. You only have to answer to yourself. Of course, if there are children involved, that's a different aspect. But in the "adult world", indulge yourself a little. Be a little selfish for once! This will help you heal your pain.

6. Don't concern yourself with what's going on in your ex-spouse's life. Are they recuperating from this faster than you? Are they dating? Are they happier than you are? All this will do is delay your healing process. Stay focused on you. The feelings about your ex-spouse and trying to "compete" for the "better life" or better success will pass. Over time, you'll grow less and less interested in what your ex-spouse is doing. I know it's hard to imagine, but over time, your ex won't really be too much a part of your thought process at all.

7. Get to know yourself again. Many times when we're in a relationship, especially if it's a bad one, we tend to lose some of our identity. Reclaim your identity. This is one of the most important steps of moving on.

8. Make personal goals for yourself and give yourself rewards when you accomplish them. Celebrate your accomplishments with a close friend.

9. Reaffirm feeling good about yourself by making a list of qualities you like about yourself. Read them every day to keep you self-esteem up.

10. Seek counseling. It wouldn't hurt to have an impartial third party, such as a therapist, listen to your feelings. Sometimes when you talk to someone that doesn't know you or your ex-spouse, you can get a fresh perspective.

Learn more about this author, Nicole Williams.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about How to heal the pain of a divorce?
We want to hear your view. Write now!