by Kim Sharpe

Created on: January 14, 2008

The Devastation Of Finding Out You Are Adopted....

Thirty nine years ago my birth mother gave me to her parents to adopt. My grandparents legally adopted me because my birth mother was sixteen years old when she gave birth to me. She was unable to raise me. So her parents stepped in. She dropped out of the picture then. My grandparents raised me and they were all I ever knew as a mom and dad. I had NO clue I was adopted. I had no clue that the woman who I knew to be my 'sister' was truly my mother. For twenty four years I went thru life NOT knowing that I had been adopted by my grandparents. My adopted mom (grandmother) passed away from cancer when I was fourteen and still my 'sister' and my dad (grandfather) never told me the truth. Anyway, when I was twenty four and my dad (grandfather) was in the hospital for open heart surgery my 'sister' decided to tell me that she was truly my mother. The news was devastating to me. I felt that my entire life had been some sort of a lie. EVERYONE in my family knew the 'secret' but me. It was all so shocking to me. My brother was truly my uncle. My sister was my mother. My dad was my grandfather. My other sister was my aunt. My mom had been my grandmother. How shocking. I had so many emotions at first. I didn't know how to deal with them all. I just felt so hurt that I had spent close to twenty five years of my life living a lie and everyone had known the truth but me. It took me a very long time to accept everything. Years went by. I finally accepted that they had all done what they had thought was for the best. They had not told me I was adopted out of love for me and fear. I guess my grandparents had not wanted to hurt me and they had felt that they had done the 'right' thing. Anyway, I finally let myself understand why they had done what they had done. It did not lessen my love for them. To me they would always be my mom and dad. I was also able to establish a relationship with my 'sister' that was more mother and daughter. To me my brother (uncle) would always remain my brother. Anyway, love doesn't need labels. Love is just love. It doesn't matter who you are. Parent, grandparent, brother, sister, etc. Love is just love.

But I do NOT believe you should lie to your adopted children. Tell them from the start. DO NOT keep it from them. As a child who found out she was adopted I know the pain of all of it. I know the feeling of being lied too about it. So please, be honest from the first. The truth is always best.

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