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Regardless of the circumstances, there is a great deal of pain that comes with any divorce. We feel betrayed, we may have been physically, emotionally or financially abused, our lives have been disrupted, our hopes and dreams trampled, our trust torn apart. We may have lost our homes, jobs, friends - even the support of our family and community. We may feel angry, alone and afraid of the future.

Even if the divorce was primarily your fault, you will be experiencing pain - guilt because of the hurt you caused, a sense of loss if you have limited contact with your children, if you have lost your job or social standing due to a moment's weakness, frustration at being unable making the changes you needed make to keep your marriage intact.

Here are some do's and don'ts for dealing with your pain, regardless of your situation:

- Do Get Help
If you need help getting over the pain of divorce, get it. If you just need to sit and talk with friends, fine - if you are suffering from severe depression, panic attacks, thoughts of suicide or harming others, seek professional help. If you can't afford to go to a professional, go to a local church or community support group.

- Don't Become Self-Destructive
Avoid turning to drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, over-eating self-harm or harming others (verbally or physically) as a way of numbing or deflecting your pain. Find more positive outlets for your emotional energy - exercise, art, a hobby, going back to school or returning to work.

- Do Get Out of the House
Go out at and make an effort to enjoy life. Meet with family and friends, volunteer for a local charity, take the kids to the park or walk the dog, join a book club, take an evening class, anything to keep you from dwelling on your sorrows and to get you involved in your new life.

- Don't Rebound
Being alone is painful in and of itself, especially if you have been with someone for a long time, or if you no longer have your children with you all the time. Finding someone new and getting seriously involved while you are still grieving for your old partner or your old life is almost a guaranteed disaster. Date by all means, but give yourself time to heal before you make a serious commitment to a new relationship.

- Do Abide by the Conditions of your Divorce
Don't take your pain out on your ex-partner or your children by ignoring the conditions of your divorce. It isn't helpful and may land you in additional trouble that you really don't need.

- Don't Harass your Ex-Partner
If you have a restraining

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