by Pat Gray

Created on: January 13, 2008

Divorce isn't the only option when a marriage turns sour - it's just the one most of us think of first. It MAY be your best option or your only option - you are the best judge of what is right for you and your circumstances. But before your rush for the "Attorney" section of the Yellow Pages, consider two other alternatives:

Make it Work
It will take a LOT of effort, your partner must agree and you will need outside assistance, but staying together and turning the problems around really is an option! If you can forgive and forget, if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person and they feel the same way, all the work will be worth it.

You MUST find someone to help you - an impartial voice that will guide you, resolve differences and help separate fact from emotion. Find someone that you both trust and who won't take sides.

You MUST BOTH make a firm commitment, preferably in writing, to working hard on the relationship.

Separation
If your religion or your family are dead-set against divorce, but you need to escape a dangerous or abusive situation, you may need a legally binding separation - in effect, a restraining order.

Of course separation without divorce will limit your future relationships with the opposite sex if you have deeply held convictions on the subject of fidelity, but the peace of mind and security may very well outweigh the lack of companionship.

Alternatively, a short-term separation can give you both time to step back from the problems, and weigh the pros and cons of divorce with cooler, calmer heads. This doesn't imply going out and playing the field, pretending you are single again - it means taking a hard look at your life, your relationship and your goals, and deciding on a course of action.

But how do you decide the best option for you?

- Talk to your councilor.
Especially if they are familiar with the circumstances from speaking with both of you, they will have a good idea if the relationship will work or not, and can give impartial advice, that friends and family may not be able to offer. A good councilor won't be afraid to tell you that the relationship WON'T work either, because sometimes, even with the best will in the world, divorce may be the only option.

- Talk to your children.
Especially if they are old enough to understand, discuss the options with your children. Children mature at different rates, but even a very young child probably comprehends more about the situation than you think they do, and may have formed their

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