by Luna Kay

Created on: January 13, 2008

Is it important that parents are married before children are born? Well, it depends on who you are, what you believe, how you view marriage, how you feel about being married, and most importantly how you feel about your partner.

My husband and I were married after I found out I was pregnant, before our daughter was born, but not for the 'traditional' reasons. We were already engaged to be married and planning the wedding before we found out I was pregnant. We moved the wedding up by a mere 4 months, and my husband joined the Navy shortly after we got married. We wanted our baby to be born comfortably, with good insurance. Were we not married sooner, that wouldn't have been able to happen. But the point is, we were already happy together and already planning our lives together.

Now, my story aside, I believe that being married for traditional reasons has little to no bearing on how happy the baby, or the family as a whole, will be. Getting married for a child is the wrong reason. Think about it - if the couple in question isn't happy before the baby, how do you think they're going to feel if they get married, being stuck together? And how do you think that baby is going to feel, being brought into a negative and potentially hostile household? Not only is it unhealthy, but it can be dangerous. That's also the same reason I don't think couples who are having problems should stay married for the children.

A child is more likely to have a better - that is to say healthier, happier, more loving and more productive upbringing with just one parent who's happy and cares about them, or 2 parents who don't live together but both care for the child, than 2 parents who live together but are unhappy with each other and/or their situation... thus creating undue tension.

Before two people get married, for whatever reason, they have to examine the pros and cons. Quite frankly, I don't believe that a child should be a part of the equation at all. It should be about the couple, how they feel about each other, whether or not they WANT to be together, and whether they feel they'd be happy with each other. And when children do become part of the equation, how does each person individually feel about having children? If one is for it and one is against it, does it make any sense to force the one who doesn't want children into a position in which they're not going to be happy? They'd cause more strife than joy at that point, and who suffers for it? Not just the other parent, but (and probably more importantly) he child.

Accidental pregnancies happen. Every day. The trick is to think, hard, about what's best for everyone involved, most especially the child. Don't put that baby in a position where they're going to be miserable because one parent or the other isn't happy.

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