For those of us who are non-smokers, it is impossible to understand the draw of that cigarette. Your partner has been puffing away since their teens. They started because it looked cool to have that nicotine stick between your fingers. It was cocking a snook at your parents who warned of the dangers of smoking. This may be going back a few years, but the reasons for taking up smoking in the first place are relevant to helping someone quit.

Smokers like to tell themselves that they can give up whenever they want to. They took up the habit as a form of rebellion. They will be able to grow out of it. Then they make an attempt to stop - and suddenly discover it is not that easy. Not only is smoking highly addictive, it is also habit forming. When you are in certain social situations, you automatically look for that cigarette. You feel naked without it.

We all know the dangers and problems caused by smoking. The number one reason not to smoke is the negative impact it has on your health. In the short term, it will leave you breathless. In the long term you are likely to pick up serious chest infections and cancer. It is pretty anti-social, which is why European countries have started banning smoking in public enclosed buildings and public transport. Another incentive to give up cigarettes is the financial one - over the years you will save thousands of dollars if you stub it out. We all know that.

The problem is as human beings we tend to resent being told the obvious. If you tell a loved one they are stupid smoking because it damages their health and their wallet, they will be none too chuffed. That is stating the obvious - and everyone knows the truth often hurts. You must wait for an opportune moment. Let the smoker raise the subject, then ask their point of view. Let them tell you about the negatives attached to smoking. Let them tell you how hard it is to give up. Then ask, 'Is there anything I can do to help you give up?' That way they remain in control of their efforts to stop smoking. You will not be seen as domineering. They will not be so keen to put up a resistance.

My wife used to smoke a packet of twenty a day. I was not happy about it. I used various methods - persuasion, begging, demanding; none of them worked. When she became pregnant, she stopped that instant and has never touched a cigarette since. In fact, she is even more anti-smoking than I am. You see, she decided to give up when she was ready. I believe that ninety per cent of smokers would like to stop. There are ways to stop if they want to - you can join them in their efforts to kick the habit. Visit their doctor with them. They can supply you with nicotine patches and give you professional advice. Hypnosis works for some people. Rewards work for others - using the money you have saved from not smoking to give yourself a special treat.

Each person is different. The best thing you can do is to listen to the person who wants to give up and support them in whatever way they choose. Praise them without being patronizing for each goal they achieve - the first week, month or year. If they get withdrawal symptoms, be sympathetic, don't fly off the handle. Remember, they are doing something positive, but it's tough.

Learn more about this author, Phil Hill.
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