4 of 30

Write now Article Tools

I've been down this road and even though it was a mutual agreement, it didn't lessen the pain. We'd had thirteen years together. Some good, some not so good. But we had a history.

At age fifty-six, the thought of developing new friendships, or joining single support groups did not excite me in the least. I knew that the first year would be the hardest so I took note of how my single friends coped and asked for advice.

Here is a sample of their suggestions.

* TAKE TIME TO GRIEVE: A divorce is like a death; a death of a relationship. You go through the same stages of grief; denial, isolation, anger, bargaining, and depression before you reach acceptance. Grief is common to all people and is the normal process of bringing life back into focus after a great loss, yet it can lead to very serious physical, or emotional disorders if ignored or rushed.

* GET ACQUAINTED WITH YOURSELF: During the years we are raising our family, we become caught up in the day in and day out necessities of meeting others needs, and ignore our own. The interest we once enjoyed are put on the back burner with a promise that "some day" we'll get back to them. Now that you're divorced, get out that paint easel, begin writing that children's book, enroll in that square dance club, or finish your college degree. This will go a long way in putting a bounce back in your step.

* KEEP IN TOUCH WITH FRIENDS: This can be tricky especially if you and your ex-husband enjoyed the same friends. You may not feel as comfortable. However, long time friendships are a great asset in helping you over the bumps. Women especially need one or two close confidants they can trust to listen to them.

* TAKE RISKS: The dating scene can be scary. However, once you feel ready, go ahead and let friends know that you are interested in companionship. Perhaps you will marry again, perhaps not. The point is, there are others out there who are in the same circumstances and would enjoy your company. We all carry an inborn desire for companionship.

* TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PHYSICALLY: During a loss, people often neglect their health. Instead of eating a healthy meal, they grab a sandwich or rely on fast food. Remember, your physical condition will affect your emotional stability. The two go hand in hand. Your body needs rest and healthy nutrition to fight the stress you are under. The fact is, more accidents and illnesses occur after a traumatic event that at any other time.

* SPIRITUALITY: Oftentimes, faith takes a nosedive after experiencing a loss. You may feel alienated from God, or the heavens may feel like brass when you pray. There are so many decisions to make and incidentals that need your attention, but it's normal to feel that way. This will pass in time. If your custom is to to attend church, a prayer group, or just meditate under a tree, it's a support you don't want to neglect.

* TIME: The saying goes, "Time heals all wounds," and it's true. However, how you use your time is the key to a healthier and happier future.

Learn more about this author, Carol Gustke.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about How to heal the pain of a divorce?
We want to hear your view. Write now!