by Laurie Childree

Created on: January 12, 2008

The mere thought of resolving conflicts with your ex spouse may seem ridiculous in itself. After all if the two of you could resolve issues you wouldn't be exes. Not always true, in some cases divorced people have better relationships than when they were married to each other. Some even form genuine friendships they never knew could be had.

The conflicts aren't going to disappear with the signing of the divorce papers. The divorce ended the marriage but it did not severe the relationship completely. What in the world are you going to do? Do you even have a clue? Will you need outside help to referee the conflicts resulting arguments?

Conflicts over when to pick up the kids, who has the wedding pictures and why you can't use the home you used to share as a free storage facility. These are just a few of many that will arise in the years following a divorce.

Following them around to see where they go is not how you resolve a conflict. It is harassment and in some instances stalking. Nothing will be accomplished with this method other than the irritation of your one time partner.

The same goes for filling up their voice mail with rude, anger filled messages. Finding an effective way to communicate with them will play a major part in finding your way towards resolving conflict. Anger only leads to more anger and nothing gets resolved. You may end up making the situation worse than it has to be by starting out resolving a conflict angrily.

Simply writing it off as a loss on your part may have to be done from time to time too. Before you throw in the towel try to find a way to work it out. Once you found common ground and it can be done again. Remember the ways that you resolved things at the start.

Searching your memory for the methods that worked best when you first got together will give you a clue as to what to do now. If something didn't work when you were together it's probably not going to work when you are apart.

Make sure you are both striving toward a common goal. Make the goal to resolve the conflict and make the situation better for both of you in the end. When you both work toward a solution one is sure to come.

Talk over the problems that arise and make an effort to come to a reasonable resolution. Setting up a specific time to go over these things will help to prevent your ex from feeling like they are walking into an ambush.

Make sure not to try and lay the blame at their feet. Neither of you are blameless in this. You both have to be willing to communicate and that is not going to happen if one feels like the other is going to try and fill them full of guilt.

You learned to exist apart now you have to learn to coexist apart. Talk it out and try to remember how much you once meant to each other. Looking back on the good times will help to soften the anger that can keep you from communicating effectively.

Treat them as a person and they will do the same for you.

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