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I often consider what might happen if I had a magic wand and could whisk all those behaviors that drive me nuts away and it's proven a good strategy for me. See, almost every behavior I hate is the manifestation of what I love most about him.

His type-A, high-strung personality? Well, when he gets going on describing his day, our sons' and I are usually crying from laughter. Besides, he's the go-to' guy-if there's a problem mere mortals can t solve, he is the squeakiest wheel out there and people move very fast to oil'

him.
His moodiness is a reflection of what an easily bruised, big heart he has. I've never met anyone with as big and kind of a heart and doubt I ever will.

His neat-freak tendencies drive me up a wall because he expects a fair amount of not-quite-second-nature to me attempts to reign in my slob tendencies but I'm not quite as embarrassed about the state of my house when people pop in out of the blue either. Besides, you'll never hear me complain that I can find him by the trail of clothes he scatters.

Maybe only the behavior that drives me crazy would change, but why would I chance it? So I can look at him in ten years and say, "You aren't the man I married"? No, thanks. I'll take my chances please.

When that doesn't manage to reduce my blood pressure to its normally zen state, I think of the behaviors he gets annoyed with and sigh contentedly. "Isn't it nice that I'm not living with a perfect person-then I'd have to be perfect too and wouldn't that suck?"

Neither of us is remotely close to the person the other one met over 18 years ago. We've grown up, and, yep, we've changed throughout the years. Virtually all of the changes have been for the better-I'm more confident and secure and he's learned that not everything is 'life or death', just as two top examples. Not only that, our love for each other grows with our own growth.

But we didn't get here through insisting on any of the changes. We attained what R and Z wanted-for us to truly realize our potential as humans not because the other wanted it but because we could relax and know that love would always be there. We attained our potential because someone could accept us, warts and all. We attained it because we both want to be the best person we're able to be to repay all those annoyances we've dealt each other along the way.

Isn't that what love is?

Learn more about this author, Maria Bray.
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