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expression of, "Change, please", started to find way to my vocal cords and out my mouth, my brain quickly suppressed it.

When I listen to my friends or my husband discussing his friends' marriages and observe many of their divorces, I know that the credit extended to R and Z (our before us' people) is proper.

My friends nag their husbands to change this or that or the other and the outcome is either exactly as my husband and I experienced where the husband rebels and becomes worse or it comes out in destructive ways-affairs, spending too much, gambling, drinking. I can't count how many times a friend has come to me in tears announcing her impending divorce. He has had enough improvement and has decided to leave, or she exclaims, "I don't love him anymore; he's just not the man I married." (Of course he isn't. Isn't that what your goal was? Is normally the thought evoked).

Of those "project mentality" couples still married, none have a good marriages; many of them are just hanging in there until the kids leave the nest.

Not to brag, but we've heard, from hopeful singles and disillusioned couples alike, "I want the kind of marriage you have" Even those who never say a word convey the sentiment with their eyes. And I'm proud that I'm in an enviable marriage-I never even thought things could be this good, much less hoped for it.

I have a better tip for those of you who want to change your spouse, and I can almost guarantee results (and I can definitely guarantee a better outcome): Don't try to change your spouse-and I mean in any way, shape, or form. I mean don't roll your eyes and point out for the hundredth
time that s/he is slurping' the soup, scream, "My rear end got soaked last night! Put the darn seat down!" I mean don't withhold sex until he's doing his share of chores. I mean don't ridicule them in front of others to shame him or her into changing. If it bothers you, mention it kindly and ask sweetly and then drop it. Heck, I'll even condone the occasional 'reminder' as long as it remains kindly put and in the tone of "you rock, but I would really prefer it if you could..."

I can't guarantee the things that drive you the craziest will ever go away. My own demon is Trash Day-numerous requests and reminders later and I still find that the task of getting the trash bins to the curb belongs solely to me. But other requests (such as, "please don't cuss in front of my boss, ok?") have been heard and worked their way into reality.

To get from irritated to calm again,

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