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Dead leaves on fire control your loved one's life - smoking ADDICTION. Putting it that way puts a new perspective on the situation don't you think? It is amazing that "dead leaves on fire" can rule a person's life. Helping them and not enabling them is the trick. All addictions are the same in general; I should know because I am an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in years and my son is a recovered drug addict. My husband has just quit smoking for the 4th time and so I believe I can relate to the question quite well. I never got hooked on cigarettes, but I have had to deal with my husband using and quitting. He has high blood pressure and heart problems run in his family, but the cigarette god wins out because it gives him a "fix" he needs. Lovingly I kept saying, "Honey, I don't want to kiss the bottom of an ashtray; besides, I love you and want you around for a long time." It's non-threatening and non-judgmental but states my feelings and concerns. To help your loved one you have to understand addictions in general. Turning to a mood-changer is a way of coping.

All addictions relate to the brain being basically wired to reinforce pleasure and not pain. Neurotransmitters are released telling the brain "that feels good" or it masks bad feelings or whatever. There are many psychological reasons people use behavior (gambling, shopping, eating) or substances like nicotine to satisfy their needs and cope. You need to find out why the loved one is addicted. What payoff is the person getting? Then you can relate lovingly but firmly to them and not become an enabler (a person who fixes the addicts consequences so they can continue the behavior). Drugs (like nicotine) are mood changers. Your loved one is infatuated with it; they love it; they are dependent on it for everyday life feeling "normal". You must understand this before you can help them. The other major point you must understand is that willpower is not going to solve the problem. There is a great book called "Willpower's Not Enough: Recovering from Addictions of Every Kind" by Arnold Washton, Ph.D. and Donna Boundy, M.S.W. which was a great help to our family who struggled with addictions. Buy a copy and read it; give yourself a crash course. Helping is one thing but enabling the addict to continue the behavior is not "loving" them. Buying them cigarettes is not OK! Throwing away the cancer packs isn't OK either; you are just adding to the problem by irritating the addict and

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