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As parents, we all face frustrations in the challenging task of bringing up a child. We thought everything was going to be easy, that our children would be perfect and obedient. Welcome to the real world. We all want the best for our children and we are understandably upset when things go wrong. The tantrums at the toddler stage, the back answering during the primary school years, the open defiance of a teenager, the rebellion of late teens. That's life.

So, when our child does not conform to the way we wish them to behave, should we smack them? In the early years, it is a lot easier to impose our will on a child. A baby is totally reliant on a parent. It cannot move without being picked up. So, the mother and father can decide exactly when it is going to eat, when it is going to have its bath and at what time it goes to bed. There will be times when the baby cries through pain or hunger or whatever. It will quickly learn that crying is a useful mechanism for calling its parents' attention. When it wakes in the night and it's dark and lonely, a cry will bring mum or dad running to its cot. It tests your patience, I can assure you.

No sane person would ever dream of smacking a baby. But when the child is a little older and tries to defiantly push back the barriers, a test of wills develops. Both sides can be shockingly stubborn. The child will argue, 'No...because.' The parents will reply, 'Yes...because I said so.' The parents' frustration can turn to anger and he or she may then hit out. They will justify their smacking as discipline.

I know of plenty of parents who have smacked their children and most of them are good parents. But surely it cannot be right that an adult is unable to get its way - i.e. force the child to behave in what the parents believe is an acceptable way - so resorts to a physical attack. Adults are stronger than children, so the smack is going to hurt. Why do we think that physical pain is going to prove that we are right? To me, smacking is an admission that we have lost control of a situation - admittedly, we all reach the end of our tether with our children. But it is wrong to say I can't reason with my child any more, so I am going to give it a short, sharp shock. The lesson the child learns will be that the stronger you are, the more acceptable it is to put across your point of view with violence.

Don't get me wrong, I do sympathize with decent parents who have found themselves in a situation where a smack seems the only answer. But that doesn't make it right. As adults we should always be in control when dealing with children. Surely, a smack is a demonstration that we have momentarily lost that self control.

Learn more about this author, Phil Hill.
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