3 of 23

Write now Article Tools

My daughter was only three when I divorced. It seemed as though she was completely unaware of the event going on around her. The event of divorce. Oh, she loved her dad and rightfully so. Although he showed his love for me with a jib and jab, he loved her with quite a warm heart.

I thought for sure since we had divorced while she was so young, she wouldn't recall either the events that led up to it, or the divorce itself for that matter. Boy was I wrong!

By the time she was seven the questions started rolling in. The "why oh why's" hit me with a left and a right. They nearly simulated the frequency of punches I received from her dad. "Why didn't you love my dad?" "Why is my daddy somewhere else?"

Keeping in mind how much I knew he loved his daughter, I found it quite difficult to answer her numerous questions. I didn't want to bad-mouth her dad. The only answer I had was unacceptable for a child ... "Because he beat the crud out of me, that's why I don't love your dad."

"Sometimes sweetie, people just grow apart." That's what I told her. "Why?" She'd ask. "Well, because they didn't spend enough time getting to know each other." "Why?" ... She'd ask "why" over and over again. Typical of that age, but quite defeating when you're short on answers.

Eventually, the questions were fewer and farther between. Little did I know, as she was my first child, that didn't mean she wasn't thinking about the "why's."

Her dad was present in her life. He paid child support and picked her up on weekends. He was as responsible as a divorced dad could be. Still, the older our daughter got, the more angered she became.

"This is all your fault mom!" She had hurled that insult at me numerous times by the time she was ten. "All my friends have both of their real parents at home!" "You just hate me and my dad!"

Even as I diligently with-held the truth, her tirades hurt me. I wanted her to continue to love her dad unconditionally. I so did not want to poison that love with the truth as I knew it. But I didn't want to be "at fault" in her eyes either. Despite the fact that her dad and his new "love" were bad mouthing me on a continuous basis during her weekend visits.

As she reached junior-high, and I grasped tightly to the secret cause of our divorce, her school work began to suffer. She also began to affiliate herself with a less-than-appealing group of friends. It was becoming a desperate situation.

I was time to play my hand, so to speak. It was time to sit her down and tell her the truth.

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about After a divorce: Dealing with an angry child?
We want to hear your view. Write now!