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Relationships, whether romantic or platonic need nurturing or they'll die. Obviously, love and trust are essential to any healthy relationship. However, there are a few things that threaten relationships, and sometimes, by overlooking them, we contribute to their demise. There are many ways people unintentionally neglect their relationships, but let's take a look at some of the more common ones.

Boredom

Routine can quickly kill a relationship. After a while, people become bored doing the same old thing day after day. To keep a relationship alive, explore fun, new ideas: take a class together, join a bowling league, host a wine and cheese party, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or rally for a cause that's important to one or both of you. By seeing each other indifferent situations, you get to learn more about your friend or partner than you could have learned any other way.

Failure to connect

Connecting means letting the other person know you're thinking of them. Everyone likes to know that someone out there thinks they're special. Some ways to connect are sending a card for no particular reason than to brighten their day, or taking the time to call or visit to ask their advice, share a joke, or discuss the latest goings on. If your friend likes flowers, and a flower show is opening next weekend, make sure you mention it, or even extend an invitation. If your partner has a cold, take time out of your busy schedule to call and ask how he or she is feeling.

Ineffective communication

Many good relationships fall prey to ineffective communication. Good communication helps keep relationships alive. This is about how you express yourself and how well you listen to the other person. By listening without interrupting, and saying back what you understood, the other person feels you are really listening. In other words, you might rephrase what you heard by saying, "So, what you're saying is that it bothers you when I show up late." That gives them a chance to clarify what they meant. It's equally important for you to express yourself clearly, especially during a disagreement, by carefully choosing words that are not inflammatory and by using "I" statements. For example: "I felt hurt when you didn't call to see how I was doing." This way you're not attacking the other person putting him or her on the defensive, but you are telling them how their actions affect you.

Too much togetherness

Although we casually parcel out phrases like, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "familiarity breeds contempt", there is a particle of truth in them. Without some time apart, relationships go stale and die. When friends and partners spend some time pursuing other activities, they have something interesting and valuable to bring back to the relationship. It's also a great conduit for the growth of the individual as well as for strengthening their connection with each other.

Lack of humor

If you're not having fun, you're not doing it right. And what better way to keep a relationship light and fun than by interjecting it with humor? Laughter draws people together. It's nearly impossible to stay mad at someone who makes you laugh. When emotions run high, humor works by momentarily distracting you from a problem so you can get a better perspective on it. It breaks the emotional stranglehold of powerful negative feelings and helps balance emotions so you can communicate more effectively. When humor dies, sadly, so does the relationship.

Of course, there are many different and more complex reasons why relationships die, but chances are that if you can break boring routines, stay connected, communicate effectively, take some time apart, and keep your sense of humor, you'll have a good foundation for a happy, lasting relationship.

Learn more about this author, Laura Caine.
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