by Katie Kohrs

Created on: January 11, 2008

"Dork!" My brand-new classmate was certainly not on the welcoming committee. Glancing at my cowboy boots that had little embroidered cacti and cowboy hats, he skipped off laughing and yelling to his friends, "Check out that white girl, she is uuuaauugly!" Ah, fresh off of military base living, this was my first experience in public school.

Unfortunately, the rest of my middle school years weren't much better. Each year I became more awkward, and my identity a big pile of mush; not good preparation for high school. When I finally got out of that awkward stage about two years ago (I'm 25), I realized that I am still that girl that got made fun of, except now I like it about me. My present occupation is a youth counselor in a home for troubled teens. The other day I knocked something over and under my breath called myself a dork. The teen I was helping had been trying to intimidate me all morning and seized the moment by saying, "That's right, you are a dork. It's all over your face, and just the way you are. You're a dork!" Her face was filled with darkness, and I knew she just wanted to scare me. Laughing, I looked her straight in the face and replied, "Yeah, it's my favorite thing about me. I don't have to worry about what people think because I already know it, I'm entertained by it, and honestly, it's why most people like me." Quietly, she walked away. The most amazing thing, though, was that she came back about 20 minutes later, and didn't leave my side all morning. She started to open up to me, and smile, and even helped me with breakfast for the other girls.

Being a dork when you are in 6th grade versus when you are 25 seem incomparable. But, now listen...the things that I got made fun of for in the 6th grade I could never fully depart from my identity. I love Disney movies, smiling at people, dancing around, and the really corny jokes my mom makes (I promise, if you come over to dinner at my parents house, my mother will a-salt you by pouring salt on your head.). I gave up those things for over ten years, and could just never fit in. I got over the fear of people and needing to be accepted...and I'm overflowing with friends, respect, and love for myself! It's okay to be me! In fact, its' great...because there will never be another one!

We can lose ourselves in a single moment, and not even realize it. We don't realize it because we are so focused on being something that we think we should be because of somebody else. Whether we want to silence the humiliating remarks, or to prove that we are not a certain way, we can easily walk on for years in life in fear of others' remarks. Our lives can remain so twisted and awkward and painful if we don't just embrace who we are. Walking in a way contrary to what our heart really wants, causes our souls to die. We don't have to do that, because really, no one else is that concerned. Really.

Yes, I'm a dork. I dance in the woods by myself; laugh at butterflies; color in coloring books; wear skirts to bed because they make me feel like a princess; and cry when I watch Hallmark movies. It's just who I am.

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