by Wendy Mackrell

Created on: January 11, 2008

PASSIVE VOICE-Lose It !

Passive is a term you will hear bandied around a lot. But what does it actually mean? Some think it means was' is a dirty word. Many times it is, but not always.

My rule of thumb, and something I advise all of the authors I edit is to bring your writing tense into the immediate. Only in cases of the far past use words like was and had to denote a previous time. Also by identifying the action of the sentence and leading with that you can restructure sentences to be more varied and active.

Why? Because writing in the present removes much passive and also helps with word repetition. And varying sentence structure keeps it interesting. This is one example of what I mean.

*Greta was running down the street. She could remember when she was a small child and she had enjoyed running. But now her lungs were aching and her heart was pounding. As a young girl running was a natural part of her life. Now she had a lot of trouble breathing.*

Now this paragraph would get through a few editors and readers really don't know a passive sentence from a bar of soap mostly. However reader will put down a book and maybe not try that author again if the story doesn't grab them and keep their attention. But the question you need to ask yourself is, is this as good as I can write?

Here is how I might do a basic edit on this paragraph.

*Greta ran down the street. She could remember when she was a small child and enjoyed running. But now her lungs ached and heart pounded. As a young girl, running was a natural part of life. Now, she struggled to breathe.*

So you see taking out the was running and making it into ran eliminates the passive voice and makes the sentence active. As she remembered running in the far past the was can stay but there is no need to have the had in the next sentence because was already tells the reader it is in the past making the word had redundant.

Again the next sentence is made more active by adding the words ached and pounded. Then by mentioning the as a young girl, it is quite okay to leave the was. Don't ask me to explain the rule of grammar. LOL. I just know which I prefer to read. Here it is again:

*Greta ran. Her lungs ached and heart pounded. As a young girl, running was a natural part of life. Struggling to breathe, she pushed herself harder. She would not be caught.*

So you see, there is really no need to know she ran down a street. The sentence on remembering being a young girl slows down the action and the next part takes care of that.

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