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Helping a Child Cope:

No matter how old a child is divorce can be stressful and overwhelming. When parents decide that the marriage is just not working anymore, consideration must be given to help a child deal with this painful event.

First and foremost - parents need to provide stability for their child. When a split up first occurs, the child can only immediately think of how he might be affected. Will schools change? Who will he live with? Who should he side with? Will he have a place to live? And - the questions continue on.... When possible, both parents should sit down with the child and re-affirm that whether the parents stay married or not, the child is loved, wanted and will be cared for.

Secondly, the parents need to discuss some reasons for the divorce with the child. Children, especially the younger ones tend to think that they are in some part responsible for the parents splitting up. However, as parents, do not go overboard. Children do not need to become a confidant and learn about infidelity, addictive or abusive behaviors or more. Keep the rationale truthful, but simple and to the point. Some reassurance that the child is not responsible is always a good part of this discussion.

Finally living through a parent's divorce can rob children of any feelings of power. Negative things are happening in their lives and they are powerless to change it or make it better. As parents, recognize this and give the child some power over their own life during this time. It can be as simple as deciding where to eat dinner, helping to find or decorate a new apartment or as complex as making a choice about which parent to visit at Thanksgiving and which parent to visit at Christmas. What's important during this step is to not pressure the child into the decision you want. When deciding to give the choice to the child, you must be prepared to give the entire choice over.

Overall when parents divorce but make it a priority to continue to show love and care to their child, reinforce that divorce is never a child's fault and help a child regain power over the decisions in their life, the negative consequences can be mitigated.

Learn more about this author, Linda J Banks.
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