by Bella Blue

Created on: January 10, 2008

My husband and I wanted a baby. We knew the odds were not in our favor due to the fact that I had been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. We decided that we would try anyway.

Our journey started with the trip to my gynecologist. After the usual examination and testing, I was placed on Clomid. I was so happy. We were one step closer to our dream baby.We tried and we waited.Each month getting a period was so devastating.Still, we never gave up that hope.

One morning, two days late in my cycle, I decided to take a home pregnancy test. My husband was not at home, but I didn't want to wait. I was filled with so much excitement. Could this be the month? Are we really going to have a baby? The anticipation was like a lump in my throat.

I took the test, and waited the 3 minutes as stated in the instructions. I couldn't stand and watch, so I went into the other room and prayed. My prayers were interrupted by the timer alarm. I got up and walked to the bathroom and felt scared with each step.I took a few deep breaths and told myself that I could handle the answer either way.

The strip was blue,and I was pregnant. I did that double take. I stared at the test strip. I cried.I thanked God and called my husband. We cried together.This was the start of the most amazing journey to parenthood and I was on top of the world.

I waited in anticipation for that first visit to the Obstetrician. I felt fine, there were no signs that anything bad could happen. I had no clue.

The day of the appointment had arrived and my husband and I were ecstatic. We went to the appointment after going for the usual series of blood work. I felt like I was on a high.

I went in to the doctor's office and just looking at him I had a feeling of dread.

"There is something wrong with the pregnancy", he said. The words now became a blur. He continued talking, but I only heard bits and pieces...abnormal, ultrasound. My husband held me while I sobbed hysterically. How could this be happening? What did we do wrong? We needed to go for an ultrasound to give us a diagnosis.

We were taken immediately into the ultrasound room, a place where we were supposed to see our beautiful new life for the first time. This wasn't supposed to happen this way.

I lay on that cold table with the technician doing the ultrasound. The transducer with its gel felt so heavy and cold.I cried so hard I couldn't catch my breath. My husband just sat with his head in his hands.

As the doctor came in, I could see it on his face. I knew that

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