It was on a beautiful tropical night in May that my two children, my mom, our beloved cat, Estrella, and I found ourselves squashed together in the back of a jeep, crouching under a layer of blankets amidst an array of suitcases, peeking out at a glorious full moon and a star-studded sky. The driver kept reaching back and pushing our heads down to make sure no one would see us. We were leaving our home in Mexico on our way to the United States, hidden in the jeep of a government agent, a friend of my mother's, who had rounded up her chauffer and arranged for this unusual departure at the risk of her job, had it been discovered. The kids were wide-eyed, the cat was purring and my elderly Mom was having trouble staying in crouch position. I, quite frankly, didn't know what to think. It was all too fantastic! We bumped and jolted over the cobblestone streets in this position for half an hour as we sped out of the sleeping city at just past midnight.

It was a rough start to my homeward voyage. I had been born in California, studied a few years in France and upon my return to the States, re-connected with a college friend from Mexico. We fell in love and decided to marry and make our home in his country. I lived 17 happy years there - and three not so happy ones. I suppose I never really intended to return. Mexico had become my country. But here I was, leaving with more than that familiar lump in my throat. I was heart-broken!

My oldest son had gone to say some last good-byes and was going to catch up with us at Mom's friend's home. We were scheduled to leave from there at midnight. My son showed up just minutes before with a girl friend, no suitcase, and the surprise news that he was not going with us. I have been broken hearted many times in my life over the departure of a loved one, but that moment when my son said he was staying, I felt as if I had no heart left. I knew that one day the umbilical cord had to be broken, but I never expected it to be yanked out so brusquely, leaving a gaping wound. I had to fight hard to overcome that sudden feeling of profound loss while attending to the practical matter at hand - getting us all in the car and on our way before anyone missed the chauffer or the borrowed government jeep. It was our only ticket home and we were running a tight schedule.

We left the city all too soon for me: only one thought was running through my mind: "How can I leave my beloved son, my first child and loyal friend behind?"

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