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mean I won't shoot you along with all the guys who dare to show up at a formal event in a t-shirt)

- Jeans

- Whatever you wear to the office every day

- Those huge tent-like garments that make you look like a walking sack

- Anything that looks like club wear. A super-skimpy, super-tight, super-short outfit does not equa formal, nor does something that has slits up to your crotch or v-necks down to your belly button. You are not Lola the show girl and you don't have feathers in your hair.

- Tote bags

- Sneakers (orthopedic shoe industry made some tremendous progress in the last 20 years - sneakers are not your only option anymore, if you require special footwear. Comfortable, yet good looking shoes do exist - do your homework!)

LADIES, WEAR ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:

- A full-length evening dress with appropriate underwear, hosiery, purse and shoes. It need not be black - chocolate brown, dark rich purple, royal blue and various shades of wine are just as elegant and slimming.

- An evening top and long skirt combination in something other than black and white. If you absolutely totally hate skirts, consider a pair of gorgeous flowing palazzo pants - with the right top and accessories, they'll look just as fabulous as an evening gown. Wear darker solid colors or smaller patterns on a larger portion of your body and a lighter colors or larger patterns on the part you'd like to enhance.

- A little black dress - it will do in a pinch, but it has to be perfect: perfectly tailored to show off your figure, in high-quality fabric teamed with spectacular jewelry, purse, hosiery and shoes. Otherwise you'll just look frumpy and like you dropped in from the office and are ready to leave at any moment.

- If it is cold out and you have a bit of a walk from where you park to where the event takes place, consider a shawl or (if it's in the budget) an evening cape or an evening coat (they do exist - the eBay vintage section is an awesome source for those too). Please - PLEASE - do not ruin your outfit by covering up your lovely dress or evening suit with a windbreaker.

CRUCIAL DETAILS:

- Make sure your nails are trimmed and clean - that includes toe nails, especially for you, ladies. You don't want to ruin the sight of your exquisite legs in fine sexy fishnets and killer open-toe shoes with protruding talons.

- Moisturize your whole body - if your evening outfit includes synthetic fabrics, they will be less likely to disturb moisturized skin, plus a good rubdown improves your circulation and

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