by Bella Blue

Created on: January 09, 2008

I am sitting here with my daughter. We are watching her shows, because she is home from school. There is a snowstorm raging outside. It has been snowing since dawn,and there are more than 7 inches on the ground.She is mesmerized by the joyful cartoon playing on the TV screen, oblivious to what she is learning.

Then my thoughts turn to me. I find that I, too, am still learning. My lesson at hand is the many focuses of the learning process.There are many aspects to knowledge, as I am learning.

I have to learn how to be a parent to my 7 year old who thinks she is a teenager.I was just getting used to the 6 year old she was, accepting the fact that she was growing up.I can't imagine what my life will be like when she is a teenager because this seems difficult now.

I am learning how to deal with being disabled,not being able to work as a nurse anymore. Nursing was all I knew.My career was in the Obstetrics and NICU departments. I dealt with life and death on a daily basis. I held precious lives in my hands every time I went to work. I loved my career.

You never really plan for "What if?"
What if something should happen and you can no longer work? What if you have no income and use all of your life savings to pay bills? What if you have to care not only for yourself but a young child who doesn't understand life yet? What if you have to care for your child who has her own set of medical problems? What if you need to do it all alone because your husband wants a separation? He claims he wasn't prepared for the "For worse" part of the marriage vows.

I had to learn how to care for my daughter and her medical problems,and I have managed to come to terms with that. I have now accepted that I will always be a nurse.I won't lose the knowledge I have.I am learning that I need to find new ways to help people.

I have to find new ways to make an income, because my daughter means everything to me.She deserves a good life.I am proud of myself because I was able to accomplish all of this alone.I have become Independent through this journey.

In my Quest for Knowledge, I researched many topics in my thirst for the information I needed to deal with what I cannot change,to know where life is going to take us, and how I can find a way to work from home. I need to make an income to support us.

I have met some wonderful people along my journey. They have helped me to learn what I needed to survive. They have become the inspiration and source of knowledge I searched for. I had to become independent.

As my investigation continued, I needed to accomplish my goals. I suffered from "Information Overload".I was overwhelmed. I had been a nurse for twenty years. This was new to me. I didn't know how to navigate the computer and the Internet. I stayed up late at night and searched for everything I could find. I tried to absorb everything I found.I wore out my printer in a week.

I am happy to say,I am now more knowledgeable about life,my daughter's medical problems and my own disability and struggle in life. I know how to support us.I can,finally,raise my strong willed 7 year old to become a mature Young woman with confidence.

Don't get me wrong, there is so much more learning to do.I now have a purpose and goals to guide my success as I journey through this life.And as for Hannah, she still remains oblivious to it all.

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