Reflections are thoughts, thoughts are feeling, and feelings are sometimes unexplainable. At least that is how I look at my feelings on being gay. Yes, I am in a gay relationship and am happier, more content and more in control than I have ever been in my life. To me that is amazing since I am 58 years old, been married twice and have one beautiful and loving daughter.

When did I realize I was gay? Knowing I was gay was not something I woke up with one morning. I don't really know when it happened, I am just glad it did. I have never been happier or more content in my life than I am now, or doubt I ever will be.

Maybe you wonder how did I know I was gay? Well, how do you know when you are in love? We spent a lot of time together since we both liked the same things, had the same interests, read the same kind of books, and laughed at the same jokes. Soon things started to change. I would look at my partner (before she was my partner) and wish I could feel her arms around me, holding me, protecting me, making me feel safe and warm, still wondering if there was a man out there somewhere like her for me. One day I almost fell and she caught me. Feeling her arms around me gave me the goose bumps. I melted and felt warm all over. I had only felt this way once before and it was the most wonderful years of my life. We talked about my feelings and it all made sense. I realized I loved her for her, not because she was a man or a woman, not because she was straight or gay, but because we were so much alike and she was everything I wanted in a relationship.

My first concern, as anyone's would be, was how would people react to finding out I was a homosexual. Truth be told there was only one person I was worried about and that was my daughter. Even though she was a grown woman, we were very close and I did not want her to be upset, angry or confused. I guess I raised her right because when I told her all she could say was that now she understood why I seemed so happy at last and that she was happy for me. She calls my partner mom and my grandchildren call her grandma Marti. Most of the people in the small community where we live know us and accept us for us. Yes, there are probably a few that still whisper behind our backs and call us "one of those people" but that is not important. What is important is that both of us and our families accept us, are happy we are happy together, and love us unconditionally.

My life as a member of the gay society has not changed me very much. I still dress the same, walk the same, and talk the same. We both work for a living and our lives are not any different than any married couple. We have our good times and we have our bad times but we face them together. Our circle of friends include straight couples as well as gay couples. These people are our friends and when we have a social gathering I do not have to worry whether people are straight or gay as all our friends accept each other regardless of ones sexual preference. I don't think my life could be any better than it is now and that is why I don't think of myself as gay or straight, just in love and happy.

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