by Vicki Tan

Created on: January 08, 2008

Loneliness is a state of the mind. Only you can fill up that empty feeling.

As a school student, you could feel lonely when your peers exclude you.

During physical education, you want to participate in a game, but your peers would not allow you to take part in it because you are not strong at that sport. You end up sitting by yourself and watching everyone else have fun. Then your teacher criticizes you for not being active. Frankly, I did not find a solution to that problem, because most teachers would take sides with the popular students. Honestly, if you are weak at something, you should be allowed to practise more so that you would become better. When I was studying in Singapore, I found that most students were too competitive and they would be nasty to those who were weaker. The harm inflicted included verbal abuse and social exclusion. When I was studying in Perth, Australia, I found the environment warmer, because everyone was encouraged to take part in sports even though they were weak at it.

To most schoolgirls, peer acceptance is very important. Some would drop their less popular friend to gain friendship from a more popular person. The reality is, you can sit with a group of popular students and still feel lonely. They may be talking about something that you cannot relate to or they may not have much in common with you. As you mature, you realize that it is not about being friends with someone who is popular; it is about being friends with someone who is worthy.

Let us have a look at relationships and families.

You may feel lonely because you are single, you have had a relationship break-up, your relationship partner is away, your relationship partner is dead, or the family and friends of your relationship partner do not accept you.

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with being single. While you are single, you can get to know yourself better and devote more time to the things you enjoy doing. When other people pressurize you to be in a relationship, ignore what they say. That may sound harsh, but nobody should put pressure on you to be attached or married. Your real friends are the ones who value you for your singleness.

After a relationship break-up, you may feel sad and lonely, and you may want to start a new relationship to distract yourself and get rid of that lonely feeling. The truth is, being in a relationship because you are lonely is not advisable. It is best to let yourself recover before you get into anything new. Your state of mind needs to be

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