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My first pregnancy was so memorable for the trauma it brought me, rather than the joys I expected it to. At 28 I had had some adventures. At 21 I had up-ed sticks and left my home country for good. Traveled across Asia, been to Australia, volunteered on a kibbutz, met, married and divorced my first husband. Up-ed sticks again and moved to the UK, where I met my now second husband. We spent the fist six months together mostly unemployed, mostly broke and together 24/7. It was glorious! By our 7th month together I was pregnant.

I always believed that nature will have her way, and she did. I had been on the pill since I was 15, and this was the very first time I had run out in 13 years. I was unprotected for 2 days. With most women having to wait a few months after stopping the contraceptive pill, before being able to conceive, I was certain I would be OK. Unbelievably, mother nature had her way, and I was pregnant. At 28 I had been there, done that, earned the t-shirt. I was not be unduly anxious about this new change of events. I thrived on great upheavals and big changes.

Until I began considering our options. We were both unemployed. As a foreigner there was only certain temporary, low-waged work I could do that did not breach my visa conditions. We had no health insurance. We were house-sitting for his parents, who promptly turfed us out when they discovered I was pregnant. Did I mention that he is 6 years younger than me? I did not believe in all my wisdom, that he was ready to be a Dad. Though my own mother and sister told me to come home, the thought of returning to the place I had so narrowly escaped, was abhorrent to me. His mother in all her wisdom, made the observation that it was early enough in the pregnancy for an abortion.

I was devastated! As angry as I was at her lack of empathy, I came to the realization that I did not have many options. My own mother was on the other side of the world. I was all alone. If I knew then what I know now, I could have saved myself a whole heap of agony. I went to the local health center and had a doctor refer me to a hospital that carried out abortions.

When the doctor asked my reasons for wanting a termination - as she politely put it - I gave her the list, tears streaming down my face. It still hurts today as I write. She accepted them without question or counsel, and a week later I found myself on a bus to the hospital. I had spent the week wracking my brain, searching my heart, crying day and night.

My now husband,

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