by Rosemary Mcclease

Created on: January 08, 2008   Last Updated: November 25, 2008

Autism. There is a whole world of emotion embodied in such a small word.

When my son was first diagnosed at around three and half years of age, no one in our family knew just what joy and pain that word would bring. First came the mourning of a life that would never be lived, then the acceptance that he was what he was and we had to make the best of it. Little did we realize that the rewards would greatly outweigh the amount of work necessary to raise him.

My poor daughter, six years his senior, was suddenly expected to mature into a small adult. I can still picture her sitting on her bedroom floor crying and asking me "why Rhys had to be like this?" I had no answer. Given the same question, I still would find myself unable to give her an explanation. She had always been a bright, intelligent happy girl and because she gave us no trouble, she was gradually pushed more and more into the background of our lives. No wonder she was upset. During one of the many information and training sessions we attended, it was pointed out that children without disabilities needed just as much care and attention as those children with special needs. I adjusted my behavior and made sure she knew her needs were just as important as his. As a result, the autism which may have come between them became less of an issue and more of a challenge to be faced and overcome by the whole family. I still let her know that I am proud of her and that I still love her dearly.

The difficulties we experienced with his schooling taught him how to become expert in manipulating situations to his advantage. However, the day placement he now attends is gradually turning things around and he will one day become a productive and integrated member of society. They know exactly how to deal with him and although it has not been easy, a breakthrough has recently been achieved.

He will always be different to most people which is not in itself a bad thing. He acts strangely and it is easy to see he is different to most people. His air of naivete and innocence is charming but makes him an object of fun in the eyes of some teenagers and I worry about him being taken advantage of as he believes everyone is honest and trustworthy as he is himself.

My son is growing up and at twenty, autism is not such a big word as it was although the burden of it sometimes lays heavily on my shoulders. He shares a house and my life with me and we have finally managed to get him to visit and stay overnight with his father on a regular basis. His new stepmother is doing all she can to promote a better understanding and relationship between the two of them.

Rhys will always forge his own path and he is finally 'growing into' his disability. He accepts that he has limits (although not the one which says he will probably not be a famous rock star)and is facing the future with optimism and courage.

I only hope that when the time comes for him to leave home and live independently, I have as much courage as he does and can let him go with a smile. I have promised myself I will save the tears until I am alone.

Learn more about this author, Rosemary Mcclease.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.