by Paul Perkins

Created on: January 06, 2008

The Root of American Cynicism

American children are conditioned to expect basic needs to be met by three supernatural creatures, i.e. - the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. Ah, childhood - a blissful time when the fairy provides funding, the bunny brings the sugar fix, and Santa Claus is good for anything and everything. It doesn't last. Pacing the treadmill of corporate cynicism, thoughtful adults can realize the path to their current perdition leads backward through the sequential downfall of these familiar icons of yesteryear.

Consider - the first of these beneficent figures to fall is invariably the Tooth Fairy. From the time that first baby tooth loosens to the day the last one falls out, this philanthropic phantasm ponies up the free cash, if, that is, you're lucky enough to make it to the last tooth. For many of us the bereavement begins in the 5th or 6th year of life when an awful rumor sweeps the kindergarten playground. No Tooth Fairy? How can that be? Has not this blessed lady appeared night after night, purchasing cast off enamel with greenbacks and small change? Alas, soon or late the dread truth manifests as Mom or Dad confesses that the beloved fairy belongs to the realm of parental falsehood.

Grievous blow! But children are nothing if not resilient. Moving on from the Tooth Fairy's sad grave, we console ourselves, knowing we still have the Easter Bunny and our beloved Santa Claus.

Oh, but the suffering hasn't ended! In a year or so some grade-school hell spawn once again spreads fearful gossip, suggesting the beloved Easter Bunny is to be relegated to the mythical realm. Mom calms the waters for a while, telling us that of course there's an Easter Bunny, and he will definitely be here this year - not to worry. Soon or late though, the continued mewling of the hell spawn and the weight of the evidence (After all, we did spot Mom sneaking down the stairs with what looked suspiciously like a grass-filled basket that night.) force us to face the horrible truth. No Easter Bunny.

Thus, the bloating corpse of Peter Cottontail joins the Tooth Fairy in the cemetery of childhood illusions. We plod on into the growing mist of cynicism with no light now but our beloved Santa to hold the darkness at bay.

Peace may reign for a few years now. Santa Claus keeps us safe, and for a while we forget the former horrors. But alas, it doesn't hold. The sad day eventually comes when again the rumor sweeps the schoolyard. No Santa Claus? But how, why? Has it all been a lie? This time it may even be Mom and Dad who do the betraying, "You're getting too old for that now. There isn't any Santa Claus." Whether it's through peer rumor or straight from the parents' mouth, we must face it at last. Kris Kringle is dead and the darkness falls.

The row of graves swells as the end loader drops Old Saint Nick's piano-case coffin into the pit prepared for him. With a last sad tinkle of silver bells our heart gates slam shut and the light of hope shining from Rudolph's nose winks out. Is it any wonder that the suicide rates in America are as high as they are? Why is cynicism at an all-time high? Why did George Bush end up in the White House? No Tooth Fairy! No Easter Bunny! Oh my God, no Santa Claus!

Why, it's enough to make you wonder about Jesus.

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