1 of 9

Write now Article Tools

WANTING WHAT YOU HAVE NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT

It is said that there are nine soul mates for each and every one of us, it is up to us to recognize each other and work through the karma we have jointly accumulated in past lives.

Why cant I just be happy with what I have? Its not so bad, Paul and I have a nice life, nice house with a pool, good cars, interesting careers, overseas trips and other holidays often, his kids every second weekend, and he loves me, totally, unconditionally, so why isn't it enough? Why do I keep trying to destroy the relationship, push him away, actively engage with other men. Its like he's good enough for now and if "THE ONE" came along, I'd be off like a shot riding into the sunset on a white stallion, eat my dust...but would I? Would I really give up the security and stability that I have now for something unknown?

How can I be sure that Paul isn't "THE ONE"? Well, deep down inside I already know the answer to that, my heart doesn't and never has gone flip flop when I see him, its different, really different, I love him, but more like a brother or a really good friend, I am not now and never have been in love with him, he is not "THE ONE".

Sometimes I feel guilty, quite a lot really, every time I sneak off with another man. None of these guys have been "THE ONE" either, well one of them might have been, but I don't think I will ever get to find out if he is not now, not after what happened and what didn't happen. I wish Paul hadn't made that call, or calls, now I'll never know if John is "THE ONE", never, ever or at least not now, and not for a very long time, well not now that's for sure.

Sometimes I wonder how it got to be that Paul and I have been together for nine years, the time has just gone so fast, life is passing us both by and we are just sort of muddling along, he trying everything to make me love him, make him "THE ONE" for me, and me living a lie, because I am still looking for "THE ONE". That doesn't mean I'm not happy, I am happy, I could spend my life like this, I just don't like sleeping with him, I really don't, I stay up late watching TV in the lounge and creep into bed when he is asleep. The only way I can bear to make love to him is if he give me a massage first, with a happy finish, then maybe I'll just lie there while he goes through the motions, and when he's finished, I'll go into the bathroom and clean myself up, go outside and have another cigarette and think about "THE ONE".

I met "THE ONE", but he died, so

• 1
• 2
• 3
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about The importance of giving your whole heart to the one you love?
We want to hear your view. Write now!