by Rosa Hayes

Created on: January 04, 2008

Divorce isn't just hard on the parents who are involved; it can make a great impact on the children also. Divorce is a hard concept to process and with the help of family and friends; you can make it through it.

Most divorcees who have children, will often want what is best for them and sometimes putting your differences aside and trying to have a friendship with your ex-spouse can be the best thing for the children. This does not mean that the two of you should hang out, but keeping all differences aside while in the presence of a child can be very rewarding in the end.

Don't down talk your ex in front of them or where they can hear it. If you down talk your ex, they could begin to resent you or even worse, become angry at you for talking about their other parent in this manner.

Some children will blame themselves for the parents divorce and both parents should speak to the children and explain to them in a way that they may understand that the divorce is not their fault and that the created differences of the two of you is what caused the divorce. Playing the blame game is also not a good idea and if you happen to have gotten a divorce because of a cheating spouse or some other episode similar to this, this should not be mentioned to the children if at all possible. Knowing that your parents divorce was created by infidelity can be a hard thing to understand; this conversation should wait until the child is older or they become even more curious about the reason behind the divorce.

Before speaking to the children, both parents should set up a meeting to discuss what should and should not be told to the children. Until you agree on what should be said, both parties should refrain from speaking about it on their own. There may be times when you disagree with the other parent but adding into it could make it worse for the children.

Both parents should be involved in every activity with the children if they are able too. Keeping your role as a parent is very important to the child and will allow you time to communicate with them so that they will see that you are still there for them.

If the other spouse or you have a new partner, letting your partner know and understand the relationship with your ex will also help in aiding the children through this. Once your partner understands, they will see that the relationship that you have with your ex is beneficial to the children and to the new home that you have created. If your partner does not understand, talk to them and tell them that it is better to continue to remain friends with your ex than it is to argue all the time and create problems in the home.

Treating your ex as a friend will also help you when you have problems with the children, sometimes it is better for the other parent to talk to the children and talking to your ex about it could help to develop you children even better.

Divorce is a hard thing for anyone to understand and even your spouse will be going through some of the emotions that you are going through. Keep in mind that not all exes have to hold grudges with each other and at some time you have to realize that the world will still move forward.

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