2 of 49

Write now Article Tools

Most of us want to feel loved. With very few exceptions, we all need companionship and have an urge to share our lives with a significant other. Assuming a reasonable level of intelligence, personality, social capability and attractiveness, why is it that some have difficulty in linking with that special person whilst everyone else appears to be coupling up around them? Could it be that fear is a contributory factor?

There are a few reasons why people fear becoming involved. The fear of suffocation, of losing your independence is one. A fear of failing in a relationship and the potential for getting hurt is another. The truth is, however, that the desire for love is so strong in most of us that while these may necessitate caution, rarely do they prevent us from taking the plunge. The one overriding factor is the fear of rejection.

Rejection in love is unlike any other. To be turned down for a job is a relatively minor thing, since it is only an assessment of a particular skill or your appropriateness to a specific position but rejection in love is completely different. It involves the very essence of everything about who we are and how attractive we are perceived to be by others. As such, it brings all our insecurities into play. Quite simply put, will this person see me as being good enough for them, or even see a possibility worthy of further scrutiny? Or am I to be summarily dismissed?

It is these insecurities which more often than not prevent us from making the move in the first place, not knowing the potential outcome being deemed preferable to the possibility of rejection. But does it have to be this way? The reality is that this has much more to do with how we perceive ourselves, than it does with the observations of others. This is one of the main reasons why people are most likely to choose to date those that they consider to be of a similar level of attractiveness to themselves.

Confidence plays a major role in how successful, or not, we are in these matters. I believe that most people actually like themselves deep down but this is perhaps dampened by the views of, and the reactions to us, of others. This can be overcome with a little adjustment in thinking. We all crave acceptance and approval but the truth is that this is far more likely to be forthcoming if what we do and say stems from confidence and self-belief.

"The worst that can happen is that they might say no". We've all heard and probably actually said this phrase ourselves, so why don't we practice what we preach? If we make a conscious decision not to let how others see us affect our self-esteem, the likelihood of us making an approach improves dramatically. Try considering this viewpoint; rejection is nothing more than a demonstration of bad taste.

This philosophy has made it possible for me to approach the person that I find the most attractive in any room first. It has been a pleasant surprise to discover just how effective it can be. Approvals serve to boost the ego and confidence still further and rejections are of less importance and can, in fact, become a source of amusement to you.

The only drawback I have found thus far is in having encountered so many young ladies that 'look the part' only to discover that when they open their mouths the most interesting thing to occur is that the gum falls out!

So yes, fear could indeed be keeping you single but by adopting a different attitude, it can not only be overcome but you could soon find that you the one making the rejections more often than you are being the one that is rejected.

Learn more about this author, Matt D. Barnes.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Is fear keeping you single??
We want to hear your view. Write now!