by Snow Vandemore

Created on: January 03, 2008

Two complete strangers - worlds colliding at a random rest stop along the information super highway, precariously linked by deliberately scripted profiles and questionable jpegs, do not a couple make.

Unlike real couples, the success and longevity of the cyber couple does not thrive upon such things as core values, common goals and beliefs. Like a torrid, best-selling romance novel - fuzzy facts, provocative conversation and engaging writing skills - win the day.

The biggest issue is transparency. Until a face-to-face meeting occurs, if it ever does, online dating is an advertising campaign. It's all about successful marketing. Projecting a desirable image is a fishing expedition - and the bait should be seductive, tempting, alluring, attractive. If the product in question has a few visible dents and imperfections, a slight airbrushing of the truth is understandable, even expected, in the online dating environment. The trouble with this frequent practice is that molehills become mountains and eventually the person you believed to be your kindred spirit really only exists on paper - the Emperor has no clothes. Not only that, he is unemployed, lives at home with his parents, and spends his free time at local Renaissance Fairs dressed as his favorite character, the Good Shire of Rycroft. Not that there's anything wrongeth with that.

What is wrong and potentially dangerous are the invisible land mines lurking outside the comfortable Internet bubble, primed by a combination of insecurity and delusional fantasy. It is easy to forget that real people with real families, problems and baggage are communicating to one another, slowly constructing a mythical affair where secrets and dreams are often shared. Inevitably, there's a big explosion, thrusting one or both individuals down a slimy slope they were never emotionally prepared to navigate.

The notion of being a couple suggests comfort, acceptance and appreciation - warts and all. There's a proven history of give and take, joy and sorrow, pain and pleasure, pride and disappointment - a physical and mental connection that can only develop and flourish through good times and bad.

Not wanting to risk rejection and being forever blocked from further contact, deleting and re-writing, or omitting altogether, life's difficult moments is often necessary to maintain the delicate nature of the online relationship. One poorly chosen word, or too much information, can cause it to end, just as rapidly and passionately as it began. The house of cards implodes on itself and a new search for love begins once again.

That's not to say that online dating is all bad. It can be an excellent method of introduction. Spending adequate time online and on the phone may be necessary to decide if meeting is a good idea. The pitfall occurs when online chatting is the sole means of supporting the assumed relationship. That is a red flag indicating one or both participants are uncomfortable with moving forward - and that is just a precious waste of time.

If after careful consideration, however, the next logical step is to meet, go for it. Then the journey to becoming a real couple can begin.

Learn more about this author, Snow Vandemore.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.