by Stanley W. Shura

Created on: January 01, 2008   Last Updated: February 11, 2009

It seems to me that the defending or supporting of the benefits of constructive feedback would be an obvious non-necessity. It seems, even, a little awkward. Where perilous ground may be tread, however, is when those charged with the responsibility of management and the performance of personal in his or her charge, that the feedback is not to indulge said manager's temper or whim, but the benefit the worker - to improve his performance and thus improve and benefit the company. Constructive feedback can serve not only to guide the recipient to make or consider a positive change, but, as implied - no - declared by its very term, it can also open or reopen a line of communication and establish or strengthen a mutually worthy and rewarding relationship. But it all hangs on that crucial descriptor - constructive. And it would behoove most of us to carefully consider our attitudes and standards, and hold OURSELVES to some higher standards, when deciding if what we have to say is all that constructive in the first place. That said, truly constructive criticism can inform, guide, communicate, and benefit, in an ideally symbiotic way, both the giver and receiver.

It can do all of those things only if the term and the action - *AND* the RECIPIENT - are treated with respect and dignity. The term "constructive feedback" is often abused or used very cavalierly. Just putting those two words "constructive feedback", or its cousins "constructive criticism" or "for your own good", does not elevate any old verbiage to such status! It all depends on what you're trying to achieve. It depends on what you're trying to say. It depends on what your motive is.

Your real motive. Yeah - that's right. I'm talking to you and you know it. What - are your ears getting warm? Ya think it's okay to just come right out and blatantly and callously point out someone's shortcoming - that is, what YOU perceive to be a shortcoming, if it even exists? Ya think you're really trying to help someone when you publically humiliate them or engage in the passive-aggressive game of one-upmanship?

Telling someone that his shirt looks hideous is not constructive feedback.

Asking your wife or husband or boyfriend or girlfriend (or son or daughter!) if they "really need" that piece of cake - while at someone's party or at a restaraunt or after they have already portioned it out, perhaps with a glass of milk and an anticipatory smile - is not constructive feedback.

Telling somone that maybe they should shut themselves

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