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time when I read somewhere, another wise thing someone said. This wise person, whom I can't name, explained that every experience, good or bad, provides us with an experience which eventually helps us. The secret is to learn to see the ex-spouse differently.

For example: An abuser teaches us how to defend ourselves. The one who abandoned us helps us learn how to be independent. The ex who threw caution to the wind and spent every dime you had, taught you how to make a dime last.

This wise guy said that it's healing to remember and focus on the gifts you received from the experience of anyone and anything.

You can do this with your ex, by saying, "Thanks for giving me the experience."

If you'll look closely, you'll see the word, "forgive," in that sentence.

It took a long time for me to see that it wasn't my ex, or even the disease, that was killing me. It was the bitterness in my mind that poisoned my life and created the bickering and strife.

It's true that bickering with your ex may not cause you to get cancer, but everyone knows that strife causes a soul to grow old long before its time. In my mind, a bitter, old soul is a disease of another kind. You owe it to your kids to give up the fight. No matter how you feel about your ex, he or she will be a part of your life for as long as you and your kids live. If you don't let go of your bitter, old soul, it won't by your ex who pays the price.

All I know is this:

To stop bickering with your ex will be the best gift you can give to yourself and to your kids. When you choose to battle with strife, in the end, no one wins. You may be saying by now, "Okay, so maybe I can forgive, but how do I forget?" The answer is very simple. You won't forget. You'll simply remember your ex by focusing on the blessings he gave to your life instead of the strife.

Learn more about this author, Vicki Phipps.
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