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Sometimes the best way to learn how to do something correctly is to see an example of how to do it incorrectly. Most How-To guides provide hints, tips and advice to help you be successful at something. Unfortunately, sometimes people learn better if you tell them what they shouldn't do.

I'm assuming that you, the reader, would benefit from bad examples. Take them as warning signs, if you will, and don't try them! Accordingly, here are some suggestions about how not to write at Helium.com:

(1) Use poor spelling, grammar, and punctuation: these obvious flaws will turn off most educated readers and they might just confuse everyone.

(2) Write your article as one big paragraph: paragraphs help organize your thoughts and divide up your subject matter into easier to read chunks. If you want to make your reader's eyes glaze over in boredom or bewilderment, make it one big paragraph.

(3) Write boring, uninteresting prose: hey, it's your space, you can do whatever you want. However, if you fill it with words that really aren't that interesting or informative, you'll be sure to turn off a prospective reader.

(4) Tell everyone who you are in the text of your article. That way you'll foul up the article rating process. That'll fix you.

(5) Use your article to blatantly advertise a product, service, or company by including their URL and contact information. It'll annoy the readers.

(6) Make your article too short: keep it to a single small paragraph or less. People will think that you've wasted their time or you won't have anything useful to say.

(7) Make your article too long: use more words than necessary to convey what you're trying to say. At first people will think you are providing them value, but if they have to fight boredom to get to the end of your article, then you've done a good job. I mean, a bad job. Whatever.

(8) Plagiarize or copy an existing source of work without properly citing it: not only will you annoy the reader and the original author, you might just find yourself facing a legal action. Way to go!

(9) Write about a taboo topic, one that is forbidden in the Term of Use or User Agreement: hey, at least you'll attract the notice of Helium's staff or volunteers! Just maybe not in a good way.

(10) Be negative or rude in your article: if it works for the tabloids and other low-brow media, it might just work for you! Although this isn't the best place to use those tactics...

So, in conclusion, if you want to make yourself look like a jerk and alienate yourself from your readers and fellow authors, these ten simple steps will work wonders for you. Do as I say!

Then again, if you want to be successful in your Helium writing, you might want to think about doing the opposite of what I've written here...

Learn more about this author, Mark Dykeman.
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