by Cate Siegle

Created on: December 30, 2007   Last Updated: January 05, 2008

You never did come to my window. I guess that's not a reason or an excuse, it's a statement, a truthful, meaningful statement. I don't know if I made a mistake but if I didn't then there isn't anything to learn here.

As I pick up the phone I'm as nervous as ever. I want to keep our friendship close but I want you to move on. I want you to find a life, now. I want you to live; just like I'm planning on doing. Why is it I have to love you?

Love is the unrevealed feeling.

No one ever knows what love is. It doesn't ever come up and introduce itself. I wish it did. It would be so much easier that way. But when one runs away from it, that's when the individual knows; when it's too late.

Summer love is a deadly disease.

I knew him from elementary school. He was the new kid that I was so infatuated with. I never admitted it to him because I was chubby. I was told from everything and everyone; chubby wasn't a good look, and nobody should like me.

I can't remember a lot of my elementary years. It might have something to do with the fact that I remember what I want to and forget what I regret. Although, for what I can remember, my elementary years were not too bad, I had two very good friends and I was close with others.

High school years are the past.

Years passed. I would see him off and on throughout high school. I never had the guts to talk to him; by that time I had lost weight and had a reputation to keep. I wish I was smarter then that.

By the end of eleventh grade, I had had one boyfriend in Middle School. The relationship consisted of my friends-what great friends I had-setting me up with him and me avoiding him for a whole week. I then had those same great friends break up with him. It was the most abstract idea of a relationship I could have conjured up.

I hadn't even kissed a guy. And unlike some people, I was very afraid to admit it. I didn't have any cute stories about being in a tire swing or under an easel. I had not one story to tell to my own kin when I grew up.

By the middle of summer I knew I wanted to experience Love. I wanted to at least be able to say I had kissed a guy. I wanted to have a summer relationship that would abruptly end at the start of school. And I wanted no attachments.

I wrote to him on the Internet. Nobody could know what we were saying back and fourth. We talked. I gave him my number so he would call me. I pretended I didn't really care.

I left the state for a summer camp. It was something I did every year and by that point he hadn't

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>