by Richard Provencher

Created on: December 30, 2007

MARRIED ALMOST 33 YEARS

My dear wife, Esther, was divorced for seven years before I first met her. I was ready to settle down after working all over Ontario, Canada and on the lookout for the right lady in my life. After moving to Sarnia, Ontario, I met my future wife. She made me feel important, invited me over to her place for supper with her and three children, Susan 16, Walt 13 and Troy almost 11.

We spent time as a group several times, hiking at the park, and picnics at the lake. Then I had our first date alone, since she was the sole bread earner, the children were used to being with her most times. Now there was just the two of us, a bachelor and a lady I admired for the way she handled her children. They were well mannered, listened to her and did not fight with each other, with any maliciousness.

I proposed to Esther after our second date, with just the two of us together. We now approach our 33rd wedding anniversary. And we are still on our honeymoon. We are not shy to kiss in public, hold hands or hug.

We are each other's best friend. I was a bachelor aged 34 when we married, and it has been wonderful all these years. Now we have four children (we adopted Scott at age nine) and five grandchildren. I really believe many people do not listen to their spouses, and somehow miss the importance of friendship beyond the act of love which is so short. Caring one for another, is much more lasting.

A few of my vignettes for a happy marriage:
Always sleep together. It is appalling how many sleep in the so-called "doghouse."
Curb the tongue when you feel snarly. Go for an immediate walk and after, talk it over.
NEVER allow children to come between you and your spouse.
DO NOT nag your spouse. It's a killer to a lasting relationship.
Encourage each other continuously.
Touch each other often during the day, through holding hands, a back pat, a kiss, a hug.

To my wife and I, marriage is 100-100 for each other, not 50-50. What happens, when for whatever reason, one partner falls apart either physically or mentally? How is 50% going to make the marriage work? When I had my stroke eight years ago (I continue to recover) my wife was my guide through some tough times, since she complemented my personal faith.

I say YES to marriage with someone who has had one break-up. My wife, Esther, completed me.

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