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I have to admit, being an independent woman in the 90's made finding eligible, single, quality men an ordeal. I decided to join one of those "dating services" in an effort to thwart the dilemma of meeting men. Suffice it to say, I went on many first dates.

I found it helps a great deal if you each know a little something about one another. For example, are you both sports fans? Do you like dogs? Are you athletic? The idea of this first date is to get to know one another to see if you are compatible. You will want to have the opportunity for entertainment but primarily for communication.

I found a simple first date was to meet at a coffee shop, such as Starbuck's. For the ladies it is a safe, public place with no pressure of eating in front of your new acquaintance. The menu usually has a variety of beverages; enough for you both to find something you would like, and the beverages can be the introductory opener. There are usually plenty of quiet seats with ample ability to converse.

For the animal lover if you both have dogs, you can suggest a dog-walking date. This would provide a great icebreaker for the both of you as you can discuss your canine companions. An opener like this usually allows for a wide array of discussions. Problems can arise if you are a cat lover and he is not or visa versa. The subject of pets may be a taboo topic you do not want to bring up the first time you get together.

Your careers and educations are another great conversation starter. Where you went to school, the degree you chose, your favorite courses, (and his) is good fodder to keep the conversation flowing. Since you both are (hopefully) gainfully employed, what you each do is a wonderful way to get to know him and for him to get to know you. You will have to be careful of the fragile male ego if you have a higher degree than he does. You can test the waters on this subject without stepping on any toes.

Another good starting discussion beginner is where you grew up. If either of you are originally from a different state, country or ethnicity you can have fun expressing your experiences.

I really do not recommend going to see a movie or concert for your first date as there is usually not ample time to talk. A first date I went on one time was to see the movie, "Pulp Fiction." It was a complete disaster. The movie was around three hours in length, bloody, violent and a bit over the top for a first date. Since we did not have a chance to get to know one another, we did not and ended the potential for a relationship.

Another suggestion of what not to do is go out to dinner for a first date. You will both be nervous about meeting one another and have to factor in the selecting and eating the food and then worry about paying the bill. Make a first date something you both will enjoy.

Common interests such as dancing, scuba diving, or fitness activities are good ice breakers. I actually met my (now) husband at a scuba diving club meeting. Once the meeting portion was over, we had an opportunity to spend several hours talking about ourselves and our interests.

Remember, it is the getting to know the person that is important. Seek out information about him and let him know about you. Compatibility will come if you both have commonality.

Learn more about this author, CD Gozzi.
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