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Remember the old cartoon of an old, female librarian who looked like a dried prune with a top-knot? She always had her finger to her lips, shushing some talkative customer. Librarians don't look like that anymore and few libraries are silent tombs. In fact, libraries have changed a lot and allow much more than they used to. There are still some ways you can annoy other library users if you use your imagination.

1. Most libraries these days are not so particular about people talking. However, there are still some kinds of talking that can be very annoying. You can sit down with a techinical book, for instance, and start reading aloud. I mean, loud, aloud. Keep your voice in a monotone and drone on and on! Don't worry if some of the words are unpronouncible, just keep reading. This trick works even better if you pick an area with several people nearby.

2. More noise tricks: a. Giggle while you are reading. Giggle a lot. Giggle until you laugh. Most people will smile at first, but keep turning pages and keep giggling and laughing. Cross your legs and hold your privates like you may have to rush to the bathroom any minute, but keep laughing and giggling. If you want to add some snorts to the giggles, fire away. b. Wear taps on your shoes and keep walking around like you can't find the book you want. c. If you are a person who can make a noise like passing gas, do so loud and often. If you can add the smells, all the better.

3. Pretend you have a cold or severe allergies. Sit down in a crowded area. Sneeze and cough a lot without covering your mouth. Wipe book pages with your hand like you got something on them. Pull wadded tissues from your pocket, blow your nose and drop the tissues on the table. When you get up, leave them there.

4 Follow someone into an aisle between book rows. Stand very close to them and pretend to be looking for a book. Each time they move, go the same direction. Look over their shoulder to see what they are looking at. Bend down underneath them to "look" for a book. Stay very close to them and smile when they look at you. A slight variation of this is to block them whenever they try to move. Do this especially when they try to exit the aisle. Be polite. Keep saying "Excuse me."

5. Look for people who have their arms full of books and "accidently" bump into them. When they spill the books, you can offer to help pick them up, but get very clumsy and keep dropping them or piling them haphazardly back into their arms while they are trying

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