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Recently in Colorado smoking was banned in restaurants, businesses and theaters. Here is my take on it as written in the form of a short play:

SCENE OPENS ON A LIVING ROOM WITH A LARGE COFFEE TABLE IN THE CENTER AND AN OVER SIZED ASH TRAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT. THERE ARE 3 PEOPLE SITTING AROUND THE COFFEE TABLE HOLDING NEW YEARS PARTY FAVORS LIKE CIGARETTES.

MICKEY

Did y'all here that they banned smoking in theaters in Colorado?
(He takes what looks to be a long drag off of the party favor and blows it out ashing in the ash tray)

JENNY
Yeah, I heard something about it.
(She blows her party favor and ashes' it)

LARS
We were never able to smoke in theaters in Colorado!
(He blows his party favor, ashes and blows it again)

MICKEY
No, not the audiencethey haven't been able to smoke in years.
(He blows the party favor a couple of times)
no, the actors. The actors aren't allowed to smoke on stage anymore.

LARS
Well, that's ridiculous.
(He stands and starts pacing, intermittently blowing his party favor)
What if the play calls for smoking? What if it is an integral part to the plot? Setting the atmosphere? A part of the character?

JENNY
It's not about art, it's about public safety. You know
(She blows on the party favor and drops it in the ashtray)
second hand smoke.

LARS
But the theaters had those huge noisy smoke eaters that sucked up the smoke before it left the stage!
(He blows on the party favor a couple of times and sits down dropping it in the ashtray)
LARS AND JENNY PULL OUT NEW PARTY FAVORS FROM THEIR POCKETS AND HOLD UNLIT LIGHTERS TO THEM BLOWING THE PARTY FAVORS UNTIL THEY ARE LIT'. MICKEY PULLS OUT ANOTHER PARTY FAVOR AND LIGHTS' IT WITH THE END OF HIS OTHER DROPPING THE USED ON IN THE ASHTRAY.

MICKEY
Yeah, well none of that seems to matter. You're not supposed to be allowed to light candles on stage anymore either.
(He blows very slowly on his party favor)

LARS
What? Candles? Why?

JENNY
Yeah, I don't get that one either.

MICKEY
Fire hazard I guessI don't know

LARS
Wait, don't they have to perform a play as the writer wrote it? I mean to say, if the writer writes a piece that has a ton of smoking
(he blows his party favor)
don't they have to perform it as such? I mean don't they get sued if they don't?

JENNY
Yes actually, they can get sued, which is why I'm doubting that a lot of the theater companies in the Denver area are even going to chance it, and we're just not going to see plays that have smoking produced.
(She blows on the party favor sadly)

MICKEY
Nothing like limiting a writer's scope to make art happen!
(He blows on the party favor very quickly)

LARS
Wow.
(he blows on the party favor)
What ifnow follow me on this for just a minute
(he blows on the party favor and drops it in the ashtray)
What if the director just uses something else
MICKEY
Something else?
(He blows on the party favor)
Like what?

LARS
I don't know
(he pulls out another party favor and "lights" it.)
maybe those candy cigarettes

JENNY
I don't think that they make those anymore
(She blows on her party favor)
something about saving the children

ALL THREE
Hmmm.

THEY ALL BLOW ON THEIR PARTY FAVORS FOR A MOMENT IN THOUGHT.

LARS
What if the writer decided to make fun of the whole thing and used something kind of weird like a slide whistle or a party favor?
(He blows on his party favor)

MICKEY
What to like, get the point across at how ridiculous this whole thing is?
(he blows his party favor)

JENNY
Nah, that would never work.

ALL BLOW THEIR PARTY FAVORS AND DROP THEM IN THE ASHTRAY. LIGHTS FADE. CURTAIN.

Learn more about this author, Amanda Horst.
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