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So you want to test your relationship with your girlfriend by giving her a truly terrible gift just to see if she sticks around afterward? This may be harder than it sounds since one girl's trash really is another girl's treasure but don't despair because some gifts are almost always a bad idea.

The single worst choice might well be a pet and you can spend as much or as little as you wish for one. I have nothing against pets personally and in fact have eight of them running around here but it's still a really bad gift idea. First of all, pets require lots of time and work. If you buy a puppy it will have to be housebroken and trained immediately and then walked and groomed for the rest of its life. If you buy a kitten the training is easier but it will still need its litter box cleaned daily which is not the most romantic chore I can think of. Secondly, pets are expensive to maintain properly. There are veterinary bills as well as food and supplies and the replacement cost of all the things the pet will destroy in its lifetime. It's even possible that your girlfriend lives in a rental that doesn't allow pets and will get evicted over your gift of a warm, fuzzy critter. Nothing says "I love you" quite like an eviction notice.

If you have lots of money to spend, another really bad choice would be a lawn mower, wood chipper, or leaf blower. Lawn care is man's work. Even if your girlfriend is a liberated woman, lawn care is still work and no one wants a gift that gives them more work to do. This idea is even worse if your girlfriend lives in a second floor condo. In that case, the lawn mower coupled with the puppy should end your relationship for good. If it doesn't you might want to consider the mental health of your girlfriend. Maybe she has codependency issues and no gift, no matter how awful, will convince her to end things with you.

If you are short on funds you could put together a basket of insults for a very low price. Go to your local Goodwill or similar thrift store and pick up a used Easter basket for a quarter. Then go to a discount store and buy some feminine deodorant spray, a package of facial hair remover, a tube of hemorrhoid cream, and a bottle of wart remover. Arrange these items neatly on a bed of crumpled pages from a men's magazine. Tie a bow on the handle and present it in front of her family.

Learn more about this author, Andrea Roach.
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