by Linhah

Created on: December 28, 2007   Last Updated: May 19, 2011

So, you finally landed that perfect job; or maybe it's not so perfect, maybe it's just a matter of survival. Even so, there are things that will get you into trouble, things you should never do at work. Above all, there will be no laughing; the workplace is no place for humor of any kind.

1. The thing that will get you into the most trouble at work is a bad attitude. Some of us are born with it and some manage to finely hone this attribute throughout the years. The remaining  items are also old school versions of a bad attitude.

2. For example, say you've just been hired, and you've gotten safely in the door after grueling interviews and negotiations, lies and misconceptions. You do not want to look around magnanimously before spitting into the corner and drawling, "Nice little place y'all got here."

3. You want to be yourself, although there are limits. Try to be comfortable at work and as much as possible, at one with the universe. This does not mean that you should keep a rubber mallet handy so you can pound on the wall of your cubicle when your neighbor disturbs you.

4. Or that you should keep a squirt bottle for when the office sales types come calling on you to sell you candy bars, calendars, or whatever kind of crap they're peddling for their kids.

5. Also, if you don't feel well in the morning, you don't wear your pajamas to work, so as to ensure your greatest comfort, not even on casual Friday. Along the same vein, don't go for the sympathy factor and cough loudly and often - you should suck it in, choke it back, drug yourself up to the best of your ability. That's what drugs are for. If you really are sick and not just faking it, have the common decency to keep your germs to yourself. Cover your germ-laden face or call in sick.  And nobody, but nobody ever wants to know your bowel habits.

6. And if you're one of those people who firmly believes sick days aren't to be wasted on actual sickness, when you are on a sick day, try to avoid doing drunken, tire-screeching donuts in the parking lot during lunch hour. Honking the horn wildly and howling curses on the heads of the powers that be are also to be discouraged, sick day notwithstanding.

7. Be polite and thoughtful with others, even if that's not your true nature. When the boss is on a rampage, do not do a little drum roll on the table every single time he opens his mouth. Extend this courtesy to all you work with, not just the boss. Every office has that one soul who insists on seeing

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